


Pieces of a Wrecked Life

by unbrokengibberish



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: AU-Canon divergence, Abandonment, Bipolar Disorder, Ian never left after Mickey got married, M/M, Minor Character Death, Recreational Drug Use, Sexual Content, Shameless Big Bang, Smoking, alcohol use, all the swears all the time, mickey is raising yev so if that is something that people aren't into don't read, self medicating with alcohol, struggling through parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 12:57:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2389031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbrokengibberish/pseuds/unbrokengibberish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian Gallagher never left for the army after Mickey got married. They haven't seen each other since that day, but when Mickey wakes up one morning to learn that his whole world has become more complicated than he could have imagined, he goes to find his sister, the only person he knows that can help him. When Ian answers the Gallaghers' front door, Mickey doesn't know what to do. </p><p>Mandy and Debbie Gallagher come to his rescue, and with their help he learns that he wants Ian back. But is it too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> beta'd by the amazing magneticdice, all mistakes are my own

Mickey Milkovich hasn’t seen Ian Gallagher in nine months. The last time he saw Gallagher he’d been downing vodka like there was no tomorrow while Mickey muttered vows he didn’t mean to a room full of people he mostly didn’t like.

It isn’t like Gallagher had gone anywhere. As far as Mickey knows, he still lives down the street in the same halfway house the Gallaghers call their home. But Ian never came to see him and that had told him pretty loud and fucking clear that he didn’t want to see Mickey, so Mickey has stayed away.

Nine months have passed and Mickey can still count every faded freckle on Gallagher’s face when he closes his eyes, can still breathe in Gallagher’s scent of cheap soap and sweat, can still see the hurt in his eyes when he pleaded Mickey not to go through with the wedding.

Nine months have passed since Terry Milkovich had forced his son to marry a Russian whore who had been knocked up in an attempt to fuck the gay out of him and in those nine months Mickey has thought of nothing but the once optimistic ginger boy who had managed to simultaneously heal and break him. Mickey wonders if he’ll ever not be completely in love with Ian Gallagher.

It doesn’t matter though, because Ian Gallagher hates him and Mickey doesn’t really blame him for it. Mickey has a wife and a one-month-old kid and he doesn’t think he’s ever going to see Ian Gallagher again.

///

On Sunday morning Mickey wakes up from continuous screaming and crying coming from the living room where they keep the baby’s crib. It takes him a minute to realize what the sound is, because it’s never gone on for this long.

He looks at the clock sitting on his nightstand and realizes that it’s closer to afternoon than morning and why the fuck is the kid still screaming? The whiskey that he’d downed last night pulsates through his brain and the light is too bright.

“Svetlana, shut that thing up!” he calls out from his bedroom (he won’t call it theirs, no one can make him).

Minutes pass with no response and the crying just gets louder and louder. “The fuck,” Mickey mutters as he drags himself out of bed and throws a sweater that he collects from the floor over his head. It’s winter and the house is fucking freezing.

Mickey wonders why no one has managed to shut the kid up and he tries to remember where everyone is. His dad recently got sent to prison for the hundredth time and it’s not like he knows how to deal with kids anyway. God knows where his brothers are, but they’re more useless than he is when it comes to pretty much anything. That’s when he notices, that apart from the screaming baby, the house is quieter than it has been in months.

“Mandy!” he screams, since he doesn’t receive any reaction from Svetlana. “Where the fuck is everyone?” he questions out loud even though he realizes that there is no one there to answer him. He then realizes that the house looks a lot less cluttered too and where are all of Svetlana’s whore friends?

He stands in the middle of the living room now inches away from the crib as he gets more and more confused by the minute. He doesn’t know what to do with a baby and he never has had to do anything before. He’s barely even looked at the thing in the last month and of course everyone would choose to leave at once.

He’d call Mandy and ask her what the fuck was going on, but Mandy sucks at answering her phone. Besides, she is probably over at the Gallaghers’ fucking Lip (Kenyatta had been kicked to the curb after Mandy realized that he wasn’t making Lip jealous and she had resorted back to her old, fucked up mistake) or fucking around with Ian, so she isn’t going to be much help anyway.

Something on the coffee table catches his eye. He doesn’t know why, but the ripped piece of paper thrown on top of the piles of firearms looks out of place to him. The kid is still crying, but it’s not like he can do anything for it anyway and aren’t you supposed to let them cry it out or some shit?

He picks up the piece of paper and his heart plummets out of his chest as an icy feeling takes over his body. On the piece of paper in a scrawled, feminine writing is:

_I no come back._

Underneath that he catches a glint of Svetlana’s wedding ring and he feels free for about five seconds, before the kid’s screaming re-registers in his ears.

She left the baby. She left the kid alone with Mickey. She left a baby named fucking Yevgeny alone with Mickey Milkovich who hasn’t even ever touched the kid. She really is a crazy bitch.

After he gets over the fact that Svetlana has left the baby with him and sucks just as much as he originally thought, he realizes that he’s alone with a screaming kid he has never even held. And what is she trying to do? Make Mickey’s adult life a mirror of his adolescent one? He can’t do any better with the kid than Terry had done with them when his mom had gone and OD’d.

How the fuck is he supposed to handle this? He doesn’t know how to make the kid stop crying. He doesn’t know how to change it or feed it or even what to feed it. He doesn’t even know how to hold it. And of course fucking Mandy has to be at the Gallaghers’, because he could really use some help right about now. Mickey Milkovich doesn’t ask for help lightly.

Once Mickey starts thinking almost clearly again, he realizes that the kid isn’t going to shut up on its own anytime soon. So he does the first thing he can think to do and goes to pick up the baby. Or he tries to at least, but the kid’s head lolls a little to one side and Mickey is freaking the fuck out. He doesn’t know what to do; he isn’t really down for snapping the kid’s head off, but he’s pretty sure that holding him will help.

He notices that the baby is only wearing a dirty, white onesie. He looks around seeing if he can find some other clothes, and of course Svetlana doesn’t have any other clothes for him, because why would she want to make this easy for him. A semi-clean blanket is thrown over the back of the couch and he decides that he can at least try to wrap the kid up better than he is.

He places the blanket next to the kid, flat in the crib and then as gingerly as he can picks up the baby, making sure to put one hand behind his neck as he sets him on top of the blanket, because he doesn’t want to almost snap the baby again. He folds the corners over until the baby is almost swaddled and that seems to help the crying a little. Kid was freezing, no wonder he was screaming.

Okay, so he can wrap a kid like a burrito or some shit, but he still has no idea what he is doing and he really needs Mandy, but does he need Mandy that much?

He looks down at the kid whose face puckers just before another scream comes out and Mickey realizes that he has never needed another person’s help more in his life.

Maybe Gallagher isn’t even there, he thinks to himself unconvincingly as he throws on a pair of jeans, puts on a jacket, carefully picks up the baby and tucks him inside the jacket, and then grabs the mostly empty diaper bag that Svetlana at least had the decency to leave lying out. He holds the baby tightly to his chest as he steps outside into the crisp February air making his way to the last place he thought he’d be going today or ever again.

///

Mickey has been standing outside the Gallaghers’ house for the past fifteen minutes. He walked here almost effortlessly like he’d done it a thousand times before, but once he had actually gotten to the home he’d stopped. There is no way in hell any of the Gallagher’s will just be cool with Mickey walking into their house. He hasn’t seen Ian for nine fucking months, hasn’t even tried to contact him, so why does he think it’s okay that he is just standing there?

But the kid is almost shaking in his arms and the only people in the world that he knows can at least almost take care of a baby are inside the worn down house that he stands in front of, so he is gonna go up to that door and ask for some fucking help because he will not be his father. He can never be his father and asking for help is something he knows his father never would have done.

Mickey pushes open the gate with the hand that is currently not supporting the kid in his arms and makes his way up the few stairs to the Gallagher’s front door. He freezes again, because is this something that he’s really gonna do? Is he really gonna knock on the front door of the only person he’s really ever loved acting like nothing ever happened and question whether or not his sister is there? That’s when the kid decides to start crying again and Mickey notes for about the twelfth time today that he can’t do this on his fucking own, so yeah he’s gonna do this.

He raises his first and beats on the Gallaghers’ door three times feeling a weird sense of deja vu of a much younger and shorter Gallagher pounding on his door telling him that he needed him.

Mickey counts the seconds between the knock and the inevitable opening of the door. One: he can still turn around; figure out this crap on his own. Five: should he knock again, he doesn’t want to seem desperate, but he is. Ten: he hears heavy footsteps on the other side of the door and he should really turn around now, but…

Ian Gallagher pulls open the door and Mickey’s breath catches in his throat, because damn he’s forgotten how perfect the boy standing in front of him is.

Mickey watches as Gallagher’s face literally falls at the sight of him and Mickey wants to kick himself so hard right now, because he never wanted to make Ian fucking Gallagher look like that. Ian’s brow furrows in confusion as he takes in the sight of Mickey standing with something tucked under his jacket. The confusion only increases when the kid starts making these little noises.

“The fuck are you doing here?” Ian breaks the uncomfortable silence.

Mickey realizes that he doesn’t know what to say. He knows what he’s doing there, but how is he supposed to greet Ian? He hasn’t talked to him in nine months. What is he supposed to say? He wants to say something that doesn’t sound totally stupid or pissed off or whatever…

“Mandy here?” are the words that he chooses to be the first thing he utters to Ian Gallagher in nine months and if it were possible to hate himself more, Mickey would be doing just that.

Ian nods very curtly and points over his shoulder, but makes no move to let Mickey into the house. Mickey sighs dramatically and if it weren’t for the fact that he needed Mandy a lot right now, he would probably just turn around and leave, but as it so happens…

“MANDY!” He yells to her over Ian’s shoulder and he doesn’t miss Gallagher’s eye roll at that.

Mandy appears at the door a few seconds later with a look of pure shock on her face. Mickey’s pretty sure this is the last place she expected him to show up, because honestly why would he be at the Gallaghers’ anyway?

“The fuck are you doing here, assface?” Mandy asks with less malice in her voice than Ian had.

“God you two are like fucking peas in a pod or some shit,” Mickey says avoiding all eye contact with Ian and only looking at his sister.

Mandy continues to look at him weird and Ian still hasn’t made a move to let Mickey into the house. That’s when Mandy notices Mickey is holding the baby and thank God for his wonderful sister because she knows something is wrong immediately. She pushes Ian out of the way where he stands looking just as confused and pissed off as he had when he’d first opened the door and pulls Mickey into the house.

“Why do you have him?” is the first question out of her mouth and Mickey is really happy that at least someone’s priorities are straight because Mickey really just wants to shove Ian against the now closed door and kiss that look off of his face.

Mickey makes himself look away from Ian as Mandy takes the kid out of his jacket and starts rocking him back and forth trying to get him to stop crying.

“Svetlana left,” Mickey says simply looking at his sister who has become so motherly in the past few weeks.

“What do you mean left?”

“Like she took all her shit and all her whores and left her ring on the fucking coffee table. She’s gone.”

“Wait she left Yev with you?” Mandy’s eyebrows do that Milkovich thing where they climb almost all the way to her hairline.

“Looks like it.”

“Why are you here though?” and both Mandy’s and Mickey’s attention snap to Ian who is leaning against the doorframe now watching the siblings carefully as they talk in his house like it’s theirs.

“Cause Mandy never answers her fucking phone,” Mickey says as if talking to Ian is just something he does regularly.

“So…” Ian looks at him like he is the dumbest person ever and Mickey feels his heart ache.

“Kid wouldn’t stop crying. I didn’t know what to do with it.”

“Have you fed him?” Mickey shakes his head as he turns his attention back to Mandy. “Changed him?” Mickey shakes his head again as Mandy tries to figure out what’s wrong with the kid.

“Jesus, Mick,” slips from Ian’s tongue and from the look on Ian’s face it was just an old habit and Ian couldn’t have stopped it if he tried.

Mickey thrusts the diaper bag at Mandy who rolls her eyes, but he can see the look of surprise on her face that Mickey had remembered to bring it.

“What’s going on?” Debbie Gallagher says as she bounds down the stairs all growing limbs and cracking voice. She notices the baby in Mandy’s arms. “Oh. Can I help?” She asks and Mandy just smiles a little and nods as she hands the baby off to the teenage girl that reminds Mickey painfully of Ian.

After a few uncomfortable minutes pass, Debbie has the kid changed and is feeding him some formula that was in the diaper bag. Ian has been staring at Mickey the whole time and Mickey tries so hard to ignore it, but finally he snaps.

“The fuck are you looking at?” he says as he turns to face Gallagher and if the circumstances were different he might smile at the memory that surfaces in his mind.

“How have you had a kid for a month and you don’t know how to change it or feed it?” Ian looks at him like he can’t believe that Mickey isn’t some housewife by now.

“He’s been drunk most of the last nine months,” Mandy pipes up and thanks a fucking lot Mandy.

Ian looks at him even more intensely. He’s angry and confused and he really can’t do any of this right now.

“What the hell am I supposed to do?” Mickey says as he turns his attention back to Mandy and waves a hand in the direction of the Gallagher girl and his kid.

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t sign up for this shit,” Mickey sighs.

“Too fucking bad,” Mandy snaps and that surprises Mickey.

“What?”

“You don’t really have a choice now, Mickey. What are you gonna do? Abandon the kid? No, because you wouldn’t do that, Mickey. You’re not that much of a fuckup.”

“I can’t do this on my own. Do I look like father material to you?” Mickey says waving his FUCK U-UP tattooed hands in the air further emphasizing his point.

“You can do it.” Everyone turns to stare at Ian with equally dumbfounded faces. “What? You took care of Mandy all these years and she isn’t a complete fuck up. And you know what kind of father not to be. Makes sense.”

Mickey wonders if anyone else notices the identical blushes that are creeping up both his and Ian’s necks.

“Fuck you, Ian,” Mandy says playfully. “But he’s kinda right, you know. Plus, you won’t be alone. You have me, assface.”

“And I love babies,” Debbie says as she bounces the kid in her arms.

“Thanks,” Mickey mumbles as he drags his thumb across his lower lip nervously. His eyes involuntarily flick to Gallagher’s who stares down at him with a confusing look in his eyes.

Mandy clears her throat and both boys kind of jump a little and break eye contact.

Mickey looks at Mandy who is looking between the two of them with a confused, yet not entirely confused look on her face.

“We should probably get home,” she says, but it sounds more like a question to Mickey. “He could probably use a nap.”

Mickey leaves the Gallagher house as awkwardly as possible after taking the kid back from Debbie but not before she promises to come over and help out whenever they need it. He nods at her and stuffs the kid back into his jacket, because it is really fucking cold outside.

Ian doesn’t say anything as they leave, but once they are halfway down the street Mandy smacks him on the back of the head.

“The fuck was that for?” Mickey asks as he brings his spare hand up to rub the back of his head. Bitch hits hard.

“You two are idiots,” Mandy drew out the last word.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh cut the shit, Mickey. I know.” Mandy keeps her pace even as Mickey falters on his step.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says as he tries to keep his voice normal.

“I know about you and Ian.” Mandy stops walking and turns to him in the middle of the street just outside of their house.

Mickey stops dead. Feels his blood run cold. But Mandy doesn’t look like she’s about to beat him and he knows that she knows that Ian’s gay and that she pretended to be his girlfriend for all those years so he wouldn’t get beaten up. So maybe she doesn’t care. But how is that possible?

“How?” Mickey asks ignoring the rest, because he thinks he’d kept his secret pretty well.

“He got drunk at your wedding and blurted it out.” Mickey’s heart stops and the blood drains from his face. “Don’t worry no one else heard, but yeah I know about you two and you are both idiots.”

“You don’t care?”

“I don’t care that you’re gay, but I care that both of you are fucking miserable. So maybe you should do something about that?” she says. With that she turns and practically skips up the stairs and into their house, leaving an extremely confused Mickey standing outside holding his kid to his chest as snow starts to fall from the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI I have posted all the chapters today, because I was told that his was a requirement for the Big Bang since last time they did it some people didn't finish posting! 
> 
> As soon as my artist finishes her work, I will be posting a link to it on here! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story :)


	2. Chapter Two

Two weeks after Svetlana leaves, Mickey has learned a lot about how to take care of his kid. Mandy teaches him how to change a diaper and he notes that is definitely not something he will be doing unless there’s no one else around to take care of it. Debbie Gallagher teaches him the proper amount of formula to feed him and what kind of feeding schedule that he should be on, because his son is some fucking animal that sleeps, eats, and shits himself, but whatever. It’s easier than Mickey originally thought it would be. Not that he’s exactly good at it, but Svetlana’s been gone for two weeks and Yev isn’t dead yet so that’s saying something.

Mickey walks out of his room to find Debbie Gallagher on the floor of the living room playing with the kid. Well, Mickey wouldn’t call it playing because she’s just making weird faces at the kid to keep him from crying, but that’s what she calls it.

He doesn’t know how his life has become so wrecked that Debbie in his living room at nine o’clock in the fucking morning seems normal, but that’s what’s happening right now.

He walks into the kitchen and pours himself a cup of coffee, taking a cigarette from the pack on the table and lighting it.

“How long you been here?” he asks the Gallagher girl who actually almost smiles at him when she sees him come back into the living room. He sits down.

“’Bout half an hour,” she says picking up the baby and sitting next to Mickey on the couch, and Mickey just lets her sit on his goddamn couch like they’re best friends or some shit. He has to admit that he doesn’t hate the girl. She’s probably the best Gallagher next to Ian and since Ian hasn’t talked to him since he had gone to find Mandy at his house, he’ll take what he can get.

“He was just waking up when I got here. I changed him and then fed him a bottle,” she rattles off like he is some concerned parent and he feels himself nodding along to her like he actually is a concerned parent and when the fuck did that happen?

He takes a sip of his coffee and a drag of his cigarette. “You eaten? I don’t know if we have anything, but have at whatever you can find.” He looks at her when he realizes she is staring at him. “What?”

“Why are you being, like, nice?”

“You’re helping me not kill the kid,” he nods to the baby who stares up at her in her lap. “And it’s not like I can pay you or anything so I don’t know. Don’t eat if you don’t wanna. I really don’t fucking care.” He wonders what is it about the Gallagher’s that can change his mood so quickly.

“I’m actually kinda hungry,” Debbie says as she puts Yev back in his crib with some of his toys (which consist of an old dishrag and this crappy hand-me-down stuffed elephant, but whatever) and she saunters her way into the Milkovich kitchen like she fucking owns the place. She grabs a cup of coffee and a toaster waffle from the freezer. Mickey follows her into the kitchen because he really has nothing better to do.

If he’s being honest with himself, he’s hoping that Debbie will mention Ian. He knows that there is no reason for her too, but he also knows that if he asks it’ll sound weird. It’s not like the Gallaghers ever thought that Mickey had been Ian’s friend or anything; the most they know of their relationship is that he’s Mandy’s brother and they once worked together for a while.

But the fucking Gallaghers are some observant shits and…

“Ian asked how you were doing,” Debbie hints as her waffle pops out of the toaster and Mickey’s eyebrows rise up his face as he finishes his cigarette and immediately lights another one.

“Really?” He doesn’t sound like he believes her and he doesn’t.

“Well, not exactly, but he asked if Yev was still alive and I figured that was the same thing,” she says as she takes a bite of waffle. And why does it sound like Debbie Gallagher knows more about his relationship with Ian than she should?

“The fuck should I care?” he bites out a bit harsher than he meant to, but she doesn’t falter and damn the girl has balls.

“Well, you two were friends, right? Why wouldn’t he care about how you’re doing and stuff?” Mickey thinks it’s really weird but also kind of sweet that Debbie doesn’t swear.

“I don’t know if we were really ever friends,” Mickey says and he feels like he’s treading in some dangerous waters right now.

“Well you did work together and you hung out some I know. He used to talk about you all the time, which I thought was weird. No offense.” Debbie looks a little afraid that she may have crossed a line but Mickey isn’t really paying attention, because Ian used to talk about him all the time?

He takes a long drag of his cigarette and doesn’t respond to her. She finishes her waffle and he finishes his coffee and pours himself another cup and then Mandy walks into the kitchen wearing her diner uniform with the squirrel on the hat and Mickey actually laughs, because that thing will never not be stupid.

She flips him off and that just causes him to smile more and he can tell that Debbie is trying not to laugh also.

“When did you get here?” Mandy asks pouring herself a cup of coffee and stealing Mickey’s cigarette.

“Like an hour ago or something,” Debbie says as she walks back into the living room to check on Yev.

“Are you good to stay here until I get off work?” Mandy says turning her attention back to Mickey.

“Yeah, I guess.” Mickey doesn’t know how he’s gonna keep supporting the kid if he doesn’t ever get a job, but Mandy hasn’t complained about it yet.

“I should probably get to school,” Debbie says as she looks at the clock. She’s only missed the first hour this time. Last week she was skipping most of the day to help and it isn’t like Mickey’s complaining, but the rest of the Gallaghers probably wouldn’t be as okay with it.

“Yeah, okay,” Mickey says, because what is he supposed to say?

“I can stop by afterwards to see how he is if you want?” Debbie throws her backpack over her shoulder and starts heading toward the door as she speaks.

“Do whatever you want,” Mickey shouts after her, but he really kind of hopes she’ll come back because Mandy will be gone all day and not only is he worried about taking care of the kid by himself for that long, but he’s kind of lonely if he’s being honest with himself. 

Mandy leaves a few minutes after Debbie, warily watching Mickey like she thinks the second she leaves he’s gonna set the house on fire or some shit. He’s a grown ass man; he can keep from fucking up for a few hours, thank you very much.

Or at least he hopes he can. He pours himself another cup of coffee and goes to sit on the couch in the living room by Yev’s crib.

The kid giggles at his ratty, stuffed elephant that once belonged to Mandy about a million years ago and Mickey feels a smile pull at the corner of his mouth as he remembers a baby Mandy running around with it like it was her lifeline, and it probably was the only happy thing in her life even at that age.

Mickey shifts on the couch to get a better look at the kid as he starts beating the elephant against the bottom of the crib with one hand as the rest of his limbs flail about in the same manner. Mickey fears that the elephant is going to fall apart at the seems with all the abuse it is enduring, but prays that it’ll last at least for a few more months until the kid grows out of it.

He turns on the TV keeping an eye on the extremely squirmy baby in the crib as he watches some shitty Law and Order show that makes him laugh at how unrealistic it is. He really needs to get a job or something, because seriously, baby-sitting or whatever the fuck he thinks he’s doing is just making him ridiculously bored.

He vaguely wonders if his job at the Kash and Grab has been filled since he more or less quit, not wanting to face Ian there for obvious reasons. He wonders if Ian still works there or if Debbie could talk to him about getting him his job back. But Ian has no reason to help him anymore and he isn’t gonna ask. He rolls his eyes at himself as he realizes how much Ian has been occupying his thoughts since he saw him those two weeks ago.

Not like Ian hasn’t been occupying his thoughts for the last nine months, but just like Mandy had told Ian, Mickey has been pretty much drunk for the last nine months. He thinks about how it was a lot easier to forget about the weeks leading up to his shit show of a wedding if he was not lucid enough to remember them. However, since Svetlana left, he’s been trying to at least stay sober when no one else is around to watch Yev, so with his now unfoggy brain, Ian Gallagher seems to be the main focus of his thoughts.

Mickey has replayed the image of Ian opening the front door of the Gallagher house a million times in the last two weeks. He can see Ian leaning against the doorframe as he told Mickey that he would make an okay dad. Even if he hadn’t completely meant to say those things out loud, Mickey realizes that Ian’s reassurance is about the only thing getting him through right now, which is completely stupid because he hasn’t even seen Gallagher since that day.

Mickey’s thoughts are interrupted as the kid in the crib next to him starts screaming his head off. Mickey looks over at him worried only to see that the elephant that he had been previously beating relentlessly against his crib has slipped out of the crib bars and is now lying unceremoniously on the floor.

Mickey laughs a little as he puts out the cigarette he’s been smoking on the coffee table and goes over to pick up the toy from the ground. He holds the dirty elephant above the kid whose arms are held out kind of with his hands clutching for the stuffed toy. Mickey hands it to him and he grabs it, but drops it next to him not really even holding it and for fuck’s sake kid.

But then he is still grasping his hands outwards and Mickey thinks he’s reaching for him. Mickey freaks out because he doesn’t think the kid has ever done that. He only ever wants Mandy or the stuffed animal. He thinks maybe if he ignores it the kid will just grab onto the elephant again, but then he starts making that face like he is going to scream his head off and Mickey really doesn’t want that, because it’s not really a pleasant sound. So he holds his hands in front of the kid and Yev latches his tiny fists onto his index fingers and damn the kid has a strong grip, but he still doesn’t look completely satisfied.

Mickey goes to pull away, but Yev’s grip only tightens on him, so he picks him up instead and cradles him to his chest and that seems to make the kid really fucking happy, because he makes that almost giggling noise which almost makes Mickey smile. Mickey picks up the elephant in his spare hand as his other elbow acts as a support for the baby’s still pretty wobbly neck and then he sits down on the couch with his kid and the elephant.

He thinks maybe he could get used to this. The kid isn’t actually so bad and he looks more like Mickey than he does Svetlana so it isn’t too painful to look at him anymore either. He holds the elephant in front of Yev’s face and kind of wiggles it around until Yev is laughing and grasping for the elephant.

A few hours later, Mickey feeds Yev his bottle and then puts him down for a nap. He passes out almost the second Mickey lays him back in the crib and Mickey is pretty tired himself so he lies down on the couch. He starts watching some stupid movie about some army guys and he does not think about Gallagher.

Mickey thinks he hears a knock at the door, but he doesn’t fully register it. He drifts to sleep to thoughts of his kid and Ian fucking Gallagher.

///

The sound of Yev crying pulls Mickey out of his nap. He blinks a few times before he registers where he is and what is going on. He can’t remember the last time he had a nap and he also can’t remember a time that he slept so well, except that one time that Gallagher had fallen asleep next to him after he had fucked him senseless and Mickey had woken up hours later feeling more rested than he had been in his life with Gallagher’s arm anchoring him to the steady rise and fall of his sleep induced breathing.

When he finally registers that he fell asleep because taking care of a baby is a lot of damn work, he realizes that the kid is still crying his head off next to him and that that is why he woke up in the first place.

He pushes himself up from the couch, which takes a lot more effort than it should because his limbs are leaden from sleep.

“What is it this time, kid?” he asks the baby whose squishy face threatens to break out in a scream again unless he is picked up like now. His voice isn’t half as angry as it used to be when he was anywhere near the kid and he wonders when that happened as he picks him up out of his crib and realizes why he is screaming. If Mickey were sleeping in his own shit, he’d probably be screaming his head off too.

He lays out the makeshift changing pad that is really just an old towel on the floor and places Yev on his back, then grabs the diaper bag that sits next to the crib. After he has the baby in a fresh diaper complete with baby powder and all because apparently he is some parent now or something, he picks Yev up off the ground and sets him back in the crib.

He dumps the dirty diaper in the garbage and mixes up a bottle of formula. Taking the bottle and a rag from the kitchen, he walks back into the living room and starts feeding Yev his bottle on the couch, pausing to burp him every now and then like Debbie Gallagher has taught him. His life is really sick considering a Gallagher is teaching him stuff.

That’s how Mandy finds them when she walks in the front door. He has Yev propped on his shoulder and is gently tapping him on the back when he first sees her standing in the doorway holding what appears to be a large, black garbage bag.

“Whatcha got?” he asks as he feeds the kid the rest of the bottle.

“Dunno. It was on the front porch,” Mandy states sounding confused. She sets it down on the opposite end of the couch and then tosses her squirrel hat down, ruffling her bangs a little in the process.

She opens the bag and then looks more confused. She pulls out some baby clothes and some baby blankets.

“The fuck?” Mickey asks as he stands up cradling the baby to his chest as he walks over to put him in his crib. “Where’d all this shit come from?”

“I don’t know, douchebag. You were here all day.” She looks at him like he’s an idiot for not knowing where the giant bag of random baby clothes has appeared from.

“Thought I heard a knock on the door earlier, but then I fell asleep and forgot about it,” he stares at the door as he says this as if to further emphasize his point. “Maybe Debbie?”

“I have no fucking idea, but whoever it was is a godsend because that kid really needed some more stuff,” Mandy says as she pulls out what is in the bag and organizes it into piles of what is what. She takes it into Mickey’s room where she has cleared out a drawer in his dresser for Yev’s stuff.

Mickey doesn’t really think much about the stuff or where it came from. He just assumes that Debbie stopped by earlier and when no one answered the door she just put in on the porch. He tries not to think about how it’s weird that she lets herself in almost every morning, but didn’t want to put the bag inside the door. He’s too exhausted and hungry for logic.

“Did you bring home any food?”

Mandy comes out of his room with an exasperated look on her face. “God, here I am, the only one in this house working, and you expect me to get your food too?”

“Just a question. No need to flip your shit,” Mickey says, but he still feels kind of bad that he isn’t helping with bills or food or anything.

“Lucky for you your sister is the best and doesn’t actually want you to starve to death,” she says as she walks to the front door and picks up a bag of leftovers from the diner. “It might be cold, but it was free,” is her explanation and sometimes he really loves Mandy even if he rarely admits it out loud.

“Thanks, Mands,” he says as he takes the bag from her and goes into the kitchen to make them plates for dinner.

They sit at the table and eat like they are a normal family or something, and when Yev starts fussing around in his crib, Mandy goes and gets him. Yeah, he really loves his sister.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey and Ian have a confrontation, and Mickey and Mandy have a heart to heart.

On Saturday morning, Mickey wakes up to the sound of Mandy and Debbie talking in the living room. He figures that the two of them can take care of the kid for a while and he’s about to roll over and fall back to sleep when he hears a part of their conversation that interests him.

“Where’d you get Liam’s stuff from?” Debbie asks and Mickey’s interest is immediately piqued.

Mandy and him still haven’t really figured out where the mystery bag of baby stuff came from, but they just assumed that Debbie dropped it off at some point. Apparently that isn’t the case.

“Liam’s stuff?” Mandy asks.

“Yeah that’s Liam’s from when he was a baby. Fiona never threw the stuff away partially because we always thought Monica’d come back and drop another kid with us.”

Mickey can picture all the stuff that had come in the bag sitting in the Gallagher’s basement just awaiting the arrival of yet another one of Frank’s or Monica’s offspring. He rolls his eyes at how fucking put together the Gallagher’s really are even with being Frank’s kids. The fact that Mandy even still had that stuffed elephant was a fucking miracle. Milkoviches didn’t plan ahead and they definitely didn’t keep any sentimental shit.

But if Debbie didn’t bring over the bag of stuff, who did?

Mandy speaks his thoughts moments later.

“We assumed that you dropped off the stuff. It was on the porch when I got back from work.”

“It wasn’t me.”

And then Mickey’s thoughts are running freely and he tries so hard not to think about what he is already thinking about, but it’s too late.

It’s not like Lip or Fiona give a damn about Mickey or the kid, not that they would want the kid to freeze or whatever, but why the fuck would they give him hand-me-downs? They have no reason whatsoever. And if Debbie didn’t do it that only left one person.

But why would he care? Mickey hasn’t seen him since the day he showed up at the Gallagher’s front door to tell Mandy that Svetlana had left. He’s barely even mentioned him out loud aside from his conversation with Debbie in the kitchen. Mandy hasn’t even really talked to him in the last two weeks, because she’s been so busy helping out with Yev and working.

So why would Ian fucking Gallagher leave a bag full of old baby stuff on the Milkovich’s front porch?

But that’s the only logical explanation, really.

“Do you think Ian?” Mandy questions barely above a whisper, but Mickey’s ears are straining so he doesn’t miss a word of the conversation.

“Well it wasn’t me and no offence to Mickey or anything, but Lip and Fiona don’t really care. And while Carl thinks that Mickey’s a badass, he isn’t really the helping out kinda kid, so I mean I guess,” Debbie rambles off.

“Why would he though? I mean have they even talked since the other day?”

“Not that I know of, but Ian has asked about Yevgeny a few times,” Debbie says nonchalantly like that isn’t the biggest fucking deal in the world. Mickey is out of bed with his ear pressed against his door now, because Gallagher asked about his kid more than once. Like he fucking cares or some shit.

“What’d you tell him?” Mandy sounds like she is genuinely concerned about what her ex-fake boyfriend knows about the well being of her closeted gay brother’s son.

“I just said that he was doing pretty good and that Mickey was actually pretty good at taking care of him, but I did kinda mention that you guys don’t really have a lot of the stuff he needs. But he didn’t act like he was surprised or wanted to help or anything.”

And that stings a little, but Ian still seems to have dropped off clothes and blankets for his kid and for some reason Mickey is getting pissed.

Like who the fuck does Gallagher think he is? Mickey Milkovich doesn’t need fucking charity from a fucking Gallagher, especially one who hates him.

Before he knows it, Mickey is fully dressed and walks out into the living room. Except he doesn’t really walk because for some reason he is fuming so he more stomps than anything.

“The fuck side of the bed did you wake up on?” Mandy seems taken aback that he could be this angry so early. “Shit, I didn’t know you were even awake.”

But Mickey pretty much ignores her; because all he can think about is the fact that Ian Gallagher thinks that he can’t buy his own kid stuff. He grabs his jacket off the back of the couch and throws it on not so much as grunting acknowledgement that Debbie stares at him with an almost scared look.

He’s out the door before he even really registers it and is walking in the direction of the Kash and Grab. He doesn’t even know if Ian still works there or if he’d be there this early on a Saturday, but he starts that way for some reason.

He could try the Gallagher house first, but if he goes there and Ian isn’t there then he has to deal with the other Gallaghers and fuck no, that ain’t happening.

He makes it to the Kash and Grab in record time, probably because he is so pissed that he could run a fucking marathon or some shit. He realizes two things the second before he opens the door: one, he is probably overreacting and two, he is probably making a huge fucking mistake actively seeking out Ian Gallagher, especially in this state.

The bell above the door chimes and green eyes lock with his behind the cash register. He then realizes that he really shouldn’t be here.

“Mickey?” Ian sounds really confused, but Mickey notices that he doesn’t sound angry like he did when Mickey had showed up on the Gallagher’s doorstep. “What are you doing here?”

And Mickey is still pissed, but damn Gallagher’s eyes are so fucking intense and apparently Ian has this power that makes him want to kiss him senseless whenever he is in the same room with him.

He realizes that he is just standing there looking like a complete idiot while Gallagher watches him like he is a complete idiot.

“I don’t need your fucking charity, man,” Mickey says and those are some great first words. They would probably be a lot more convincing if Mickey was throwing the bag of clothes right back at Ian, but obviously he needs those; he just didn’t like having his pride ripped apart by a fucking Gallagher.

“The fuck are you on?”

“Cut the crap, Gallagher. I know all that stuff that was on the porch used to be Liam’s and Debbie said she didn’t drop it off and that only leaves you, Santa.”

Ian’s eyebrows rise amusedly for about three seconds and then he is just as angry as Mickey.

“You’re fucking welcome,” Ian says as he pushes himself up from the stool. He doesn’t move from behind the counter and Mickey is kind of thankful for that, because he’s not sure whether or not he wants to punch Gallagher or kiss him, but he doesn’t think either would be very affective right now.

“No one’s thanking you. I can take care of my damn kid on my fucking own.”

“Not exactly what Debbie told me.”

“Why the fuck are you even asking about the kid? You have no reason to care.” And Ian pulls this face that Mickey isn’t sure what it really means, but he doesn’t really want to try to make sense of it at the moment.

“Fuck you! Just because you fucking got married and ignored me for nine fucking months doesn’t mean that I stopped caring, so just fuck you,” Ian says and he is panting like he is trying to restrain himself and the look he is giving him is scarier than any look he’s ever seen on Gallagher.

“You didn’t talk to me for nine fucking months either, asshole!” Mickey isn’t really sure how they are having this conversation now, but he realizes that he isn’t really angry with Gallagher for giving him old clothes.

“Oh come the fuck on, Mickey. You didn’t want me around and you fucking know it. It would’ve been really inconvenient for you if your wife had caught us fucking.”

“I fucking wanted you after the fucking wedding. I told you that!”

“I’m not some fucking mistress.” Somehow Ian has stepped out from behind the counter and is now towering over Mickey, mere inches separating them. He can see the hurt in Ian’s eyes—the flashback to that day nine months ago when Mickey had unintentionally degraded the boy into just a fuck when Mickey knew it was so much more than that.

He wants to tell Ian all of that. He wants to tell him how he’s sorry and how he’s wanted him every day since he fucking walked into his room wielding that crowbar and how he spent the last nine months drunk because when he was sober all he could think of were warm lips and wet tongues and tall, tight bodies pressed up against him. He wants to tell Ian that he hasn’t fucked or let anyone fuck him in nine months.

But the bell above the door chimes and another customer walks in and Mickey is out the door before it even has a chance to close.

///

Mickey stomps through the door of the Milkovich house about an hour after he stormed out. He’s less pissed than he was before, but now he is just fucking confused and he really fucking misses Ian. Damn Gallagher and his height and his South Side tough guy act that is mirrored so much in Mickey and has never failed to make Mickey want him--to be with him, near him, around him.

Something about how good Gallagher is, while still hiding that South Side edge underneath it all had always fascinated Mickey. But fuck him if he thinks this is all Mickey’s fault. Has he really forgotten that day? Does he really think this is the life that Mickey fucking chose or some shit?

He doesn’t acknowledge Mandy as he heads to his room and slams the door. Images of his dad beating the shit out of Ian and Ian watching as Svetlana fucked him are swimming through his mind. It’s what prompts him to pick up the half-empty bottle of Jack sitting on his bed stand and practically down it in one drink.

The burn of the alcohol numbs the rest of his senses and pretty soon he passes out from the exhaustion of fighting with Ian and remembering that day. The liquor swimming through his veins only helps pull him under.

///

Mandy throwing a pillow at him hours later wakes him up. The setting sun is coming through his window and he flinches as the light hits his eyes.

“The fuck is wrong with you, bitch?” Mickey asks half drunk, half hung over, and fully pissed off.

“The fuck did you do to Ian?” Mandy narrows her eyes at him, hands on her hips and pursing her lips.

“The fuck are you talking about?” Mickey tries to sit up, but his head is pounding and he really just wants to pass out again and forget everything that has happened in the last few hours, or months, or really his whole fucking existence.

“Debbie Gallagher just called and says that Ian came home upset and went straight to bed and hasn’t moved since. What did you do to him?”

“I didn’t do anything to him, douchebag,” Mickey answers, wondering why the fuck his fight with Ian would have that much of an effect on the younger boy.

“But you went to see him this morning didn’t you?” And screw her for knowing him so well.

“Yeah, we had a fucking fight, so what? You don’t see me coming home and crying about it,” Mickey says as Mandy’s eyes narrow on the now empty bottle of Jack lying on the floor from where it slipped out of Mickey’s hands after he passed out. “Whatever, bitch.”

Mickey really isn’t in the mood to deal with Gallagher’s crap or Mandy for that matter.

“Mickey, you don’t understand.” And what doesn’t he understand? That Gallagher is a lot more fucking sensitive than him, because yeah he kind of knows that from all the time they’ve spent together.

“Fuck you,” Mickey mutters as he buries his face in his pillow trying to block out the entire world.

“They’re worried about him, Mick,” Mandy says and her voice sounds worried and softer than it did a few minutes ago.

“Fucking Gallaghers worry too fucking much. He’s a pussy who can’t handle being yelled at. That shouldn’t surprise them by this point.”

Mandy doesn’t say anything for a while. He peers out of the side of his eye to see if she is still there. Mickey doesn’t like the look he sees on her face.

“What?” he snaps.

“Shit. I forgot you don’t know,” she mutters. And that piques his fucking interest again.

“Know what?”

“Nevermind,” she says and she looks like she’s gonna leave.

“Know what, Mandy?” he asks louder as he pushes himself up and out of bed because the air just changed and why are the Gallaghers so worried that Ian is pouting or whatever? Why is Mandy so mad at him and why does she suddenly look smaller? “Mandy.”

“Mickey…shit, I shouldn’t tell you this. He should tell you, but you should know.”

“Mandy, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Mick, Ian’s bipolar…” And Mickey doesn’t really know what that means, but he knows it doesn’t sound good.

“Bi-what? What the fuck is that?” Mickey asks and he doesn’t like the way his veins feel like they are running with ice water.

“It’s manic depression, Mick. It’s like really high highs followed by really low lows over and over again. It’s what their mom had or has or whatever.”

And Mickey’s heart drops, because if there is one thing he knows about Ian Gallagher it’s that he never wanted to be like his mom. Mickey had never really known what that meant, but he’s never questioned it because Gallagher’s parents were both fuck ups and he could understand not wanting to be like either of them.

“I…” Mickey doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know why what Mandy is saying is making him feel like this and he doesn’t understand how their fight earlier today could have done something to Ian. They’ve always fought. Hell, their whole fucking relationship started because they were fighting.

“He’s on meds and stuff that like balance him out or some shit, but sometimes it’s not enough. And apparently whatever the hell you did set him off,” Mandy’s voice doesn’t have the same bite it had earlier and she doesn’t really sound like she’s blaming him and he really doesn’t know what to do.

He grabs a cigarette out of the pack on his table and notices that his hands are shaking as he goes to light it.

“I didn’t do anything,” Mickey repeats after an uncomfortable pause that he fills with taking a drag from the cigarette that is shaking in his hand.

“Obviously something happened. His meds are usually pretty good at balancing his moods.” She sits on the end of his bed and takes a cigarette out of the pack.

“I told him I didn’t need fucking charity from a damn Gallagher,” Mickey mumbles around the tip of his cigarette.

“Bullshit.”

He pauses before, “He’s pissed at me for marrying Svetlana and it just came to some sort of a head,” Mickey says trying to dance around the subject.

“What the fuck even happened with all of that? I don’t get it?”

Mickey looks at his sister, the only person in his life that he will admit he loves. He loves her so much--she’s his baby sister, but he doesn’t want to burden her with his crap. He also doesn’t want to talk about it.

“Mandy, don’t.”

“Mickey, just tell me. I don’t care. I mean I was pissed that you were hiding your relationship from me for so long, but I got over it. I just don’t understand why you even got married in the first place. Or how Svetlana even became pregnant. I mean if you were fucking Ian, how did that even happen?”

Mickey takes a long drag on his cigarette and weighs his options. He could not tell her and have the only person in the world that actually gives a shit about him hate him or he could tell her. He could tell her and risk her sympathy and the thoughts that he’s been blocking from his mind or trying to for nine months. But he looks at her and sees the little girl who he has always fought to protect, and he realizes that she deserves more than he’s been giving her.

She deserves the truth.

He exhales the smoke out of his nose. “Dad.” He figures that starting at the root of the problem would be the best.

“What about dad?” Mandy’s eyebrows knit together in confusion and disgust, because she knows what a prick Terry is, and for that at least he is grateful.

“He…” Mickey exhales, stuttering, “He caught us.” He realizes this is the first time he has said those words out loud. He and Ian had never talked about it, except that one time where he had smashed Ian’s face in with his foot, but he knows he hadn’t exactly been in his right frame of mind at that point. He knows this is the first time that he’s talked about it.

“Shit.” That’s the thing Mickey loves most about Mandy. She knows that fewer words are better. She doesn’t need to comfort him or have him explain further. She gets him. He gets her. That’s why it had always been them against the world, against their father.

“And Ian doesn’t seem to get that literally everything I did after that was so that Terry wouldn’t kill him.”

And Mandy gets that too. She knows their father and she knows Ian. She knows that Terry is a ruthless murderer who wouldn’t so much as bat an eyelash if he took down his own son let alone Ian Gallagher. She also knows that Ian is naïve. However much he tries to show that he is a tough guy, he lives in a romantic fantasyland where as long as he’s with someone who loves him, who he can be himself with, nothing can hurt them. She, like Mickey, knows that isn’t how real life on the South Side works.

“But Mick…” Mandy starts and then trails off when he looks at her with a hurt in his eyes that he knows he’s never shown. Not even after all those times that Terry had beat him or all those times he’d gone to Juvie. Mickey sees that Mandy is seeing something in him that she’s never seen before and he wants to run. But he doesn’t.

“What?”

“Svetlana’s gone and Dad’s in prison, maybe forever this time. Why are you still letting yourself be so depressed?”

“Because he deserves better than me.” And Mickey feels defeated. He’s always known that Gallagher is better than him. He wants Gallagher to get out of the South Side and make something of himself, and without Mickey weighing him down, maybe he still can.

“But he doesn’t want anyone but you,” Mandy says like it’s so fucking obvious, but Mickey just looks up at her like she’s crazy.

“Mandy…”

“No, Mickey, listen to me. I spent the last three years hearing Ian talk about this guy he was so crazy about. He told me everything except who he was, obviously, but I’ve never seen someone so in love. I once asked why I’d never met the guy and he just said that he didn’t want to be out or whatever. Mickey, you were that guy. He told me after everything. He once told me that he was so afraid to do anything wrong, because he was afraid you were going to leave him again and look what happened.”

Mickey is about to interrupt, but Mandy stops him. “I’m not saying any of this was your fault. I get why you had to hide, but none of that matters anymore because you love him. I can see it on your fucking face. And he is lying in bed depressed because he thinks you still hate him after all these years, and that just proves that he still loves you.”

“What are you getting at?” Mickey’s head is in his hands at this point and he doesn’t even know what to think. He hears Yevgeny start to make noises from out in the crib and this is all too much.

“You love him. He loves you. Go do something about it, assface,” she says as she saunters out of the room to go deal with the baby.

Mickey stares open-mouthed after Mandy as she leaves the room. He doesn’t understand how she can be so nonchalant about… well, everything. She has to know that none of this is that easy. Nothing will ever be easy for two gay kids on the South Side of Chicago.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ian stops by the Milkovich house and there's a snow storm.

One month after his heart to heart with Mandy and his fight with Gallagher, Mickey still hasn’t done a damn thing about anything. He hasn’t really seen or heard from Gallagher aside from the occasional run in and Mandy gets more pissed at him each day for being such a pussy.

But he’s adamantly ignoring everything she told him. So what if he’s still in love with Gallagher? He doesn’t believe that Ian loves him. Jesus, it’s Ian. If he still loves him, he’d be over here everyday trying to get into his space and force him to get back with him.

Which he’d almost appreciate at this point. Not that he’s big on other people in his space now or ever, but there is something about Gallagher that makes Mickey want to be around him all the time.

Mickey has taken to talking to the baby about his problems instead of anyone that can actually judge him for being such a damn girl.

He sits with Yevgenny on the couch most days and tells him all about Gallagher. He tells him things that he probably shouldn’t be telling a two and a half month old baby, but he realizes that with no else to really hear him it kind of feels good to get all the crap out.

He almost thinks that Yev is listening to him. And to have someone, even if it’s just a baby that doesn’t know anything, pay attention to him, like genuine I-am-only-listening-to-you attention, is something that Mickey’s craved for a long time. Mickey thinks that Ian never paid Mickey that much attention. He would always find a way to talk about himself, not that Mickey ever really minded. But sometimes it’s really nice to just talk. Sometimes he doesn’t even really know what he’s talking about, but Yev just keeps staring up at him with his big blue eyes and it makes Mickey feel almost wanted, needed for once.

He’s been getting better at caring for the baby. Debbie doesn’t come over as frequently and Mandy doesn’t freak out every time she leaves for work. He still feels guilty about not having a job, but he’s been selling some stuff on the side for the past few weeks so he’s bringing in a little more cash than he was the first month after Svetlana left.

He can change, feed, and entertain the kid now without help. He’s not saying that it’s his favorite job in the world or anything, but he’s actually pretty fucking good at it. It helps that the kid looks like him, blue eyes and dark hair. He even has his nose, which helps because if he looked more like Svetlana, Mickey doesn’t know what he’d do.

But he knows it’s more than just the kid’s looks. He’s been spending everyday with this kid for almost two months and he has actually grown to like him. Mickey doesn’t know if it’s because it’s his kid or if it’s because it’s not the baby’s fault like his life is a fucking mess, but he can’t blame the kid for anything that happened. He doesn’t even really feel angry anymore when he looks at the baby.

(It helps that he had burnt the old couch in the backyard a few months ago, so the couch he’s currently sitting on holds no unpleasant memories.)

He doesn’t know when it happened, but he actually feels like this kid’s father, not just some guy trying to keep him alive. He knows that when Yev first smiled at him (while he was making stupid-ass faces trying to get the kid to giggle) that his heart kind of did this fluttering thing that it’d only done around Gallagher before when he was really happy.

Right now he is trying really fucking hard to remember what he likes about being a dad or whatever, because Yevgeny has been screaming his ear off for the better part of the last few hours and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s fed him, changed him, and done basically everything else but to no avail.

He stands up and starts pacing back and forth in the living room trying to create some calming motion or something that will maybe put the kid to sleep or at least get him to shut up for a few minutes. Then, he hears a knock on the door.

He silently prays that Debbie has decided to skip school and show up, because maybe she’ll know how to get the kid to just stop crying for a few minutes. But when he opens the door, Debbie is not standing there.

No, it’s a ginger Gallagher, but it’s the last Gallagher he expects to see on his doorstep.

He just stares at Ian, because he really doesn’t know what to do right now and his head hurts from all the screaming and his arms are starting to go dead from bouncing Yevgeny and why is Ian Gallagher on his doorstep?

“Hey,” Ian says all nonchalant like he always shows up on Mickey’s doorstep.

“What are you doing here?” Mickey asks, because he really can’t deal with crap pleasantries right now. He really would like it if his kid would shut up.

“Um…” Ian doesn’t really look like he has an answer to that. “Is Mandy here?”

“Work.” That’s when Mickey realizes that the cold, winter air is pouring through the door and Yevgeny definitely isn’t dressed for a day outside so he kind of makes a non-committal gesture for Ian to at least close the door and then he walks back into the house resuming his pacing.

When he reaches the other side of the living room to turn around, he sees that Ian is just staring at him. He arches his eyebrows at him, because he isn’t capable of forming coherent sentences right now and somehow after all this time Ian still knows exactly what he’s asking.

“What’s wrong with him?” Ian asks and Mickey notes that he’s not looking directly at the baby in his arms, but just above his head.

“The hell should I know?” Mickey asks as he tries to bounce the baby a bit more. “I’m not a fucking baby whisperer.” And Mickey hopes that Ian doesn’t notice that his voice lowers on the word fucking, because he is at least trying not to completely screw this kid up. But of course Ian notices. Ian notices everything. The corner of his lip twitches a little as if he’s trying to hold back a smile.

“You feed him?” Mickey nods. “Change him?”

“Yes, Nanny McPhee, I do know how to take care of him pretty damn well. Kid’s not dead yet is he?”

“He sick?” Ian ignores his tone and just keeps asking questions and Mickey doesn’t know why Ian even cares or really what Ian is still even doing here, but he’s not going to throw him out if that’s what he’s expecting.

“I don’t know. He’s never been sick before or like at least since Svetlana took off. I haven’t had to deal with that. Shit, maybe he’s sick. I don’t know how to take care of a sick kid. I can barely even take care of myself when I’m sick. Shit. Shit. Shit.” Mickey goes into full panic mode and is now staring at the baby in his arms like he is a ticking time bomb.

Ian has this look on his face that Mickey can’t quite place. It’s somewhere between amusement, discomfort, and understanding. He stops for a minute and just stares.

“Can I?” And Ian makes a gesture like he wants to check the baby. Ian wants to check to make sure that his baby isn’t sick or whatever. Mickey doesn’t understand what is going on, but he takes a whole minute to respond to Ian’s request.

He can see from the look on Ian’s face that the kid still freaks him out. He knows that when Ian sees the baby he’s seeing that day and everything that followed. He hasn’t had the time to adjust to Yevgeny as just Yevgeny like Mickey has; he sees him as a mere product of the day he was conceived, just another thing to remind Ian of the day that both of them would love to forget. But he is also offering to help and that is a big fucking step if Mickey ever saw one.

Mickey also figures that out of the two of them, Ian knows a hell of a lot more about sick babies than he does. He figures there are so many damn kids in that house that Ian has probably taken care of a sick baby once or twice before, so after a full sixty seconds he hands Yevgeny over to Ian.

Their arms kind of brush as they try to maneuver the baby between them and Mickey doesn’t deny that he feels something. Like some fucking electrical current just shot up his entire arm and now Ian Gallagher is holding his damn kid and he really doesn’t understand how the day has turned into this.

Ian adjusts to holding Yev surprisingly quickly and then he is holding his large hand to the baby’s forehead and Mickey assumes he is checking his temperature.

“How long has he been crying like this?” Ian asks him as Yev takes a pause in his screaming to stare at the bright orange haired man that is now holding him. Ian looks down at the baby and…

He actually smiles and tries to make a silly face to get Yev to laugh, but he just goes right back to screaming.

It takes Mickey a moment to register what Ian asked him, because the sight of Ian holding his kid is doing some weird-ass shit to his heart right now.

“Um…since like before Mandy left for work, so I guess a few hours.”

“He feels kinda warm to me,” Ian says as he looks down at the baby. “He’s not teething already is he?”

Mickey must be looking at Ian like he grew a second head or something, because he quickly says, “Like he hasn’t been getting any teeth or anything? Did he just start crying this morning?”

Mickey just nods then he realizes that isn’t a helpful answer. “Yeah, he just started this morning. I guess he woke up like that.”

“Uh well…” Ian starts to talk but then Yev is gripping his shirt with his tiny baby fingers and burying his head against his chest and letting out these really pathetic sounding screams and Ian looks down at him with a look of complete panic. He looks up at Mickey with wide eyes like he thinks he’s doing something wrong, but Mickey’s face must resemble his. He’s never seen Yev do that to anyone but him. He doesn’t even do it to Mandy. He only does that when he’s really tired, but here he is gripping Ian like a lifeline and he’s only just met him. Maybe being complete putty in the hands of Ian Gallagher is hereditary.

“Uhhh… I think he might have an ear infection,” Ian says as he tries to not move a muscle. Mickey can tell he’s trying not to disturb the baby. “But I don’t know that much. I bet Vee would be willing to take a look. She’ll probably know better.”

Ian isn’t even looking at him anymore. He is staring at Yevgeny who just keeps screaming with his head buried in Ian’s chest and he can tell that Ian’s shirt is starting to get wet from all the drool and tears and snot, but Ian doesn’t really seem to mind.

The look of discomfort has been replaced with one of awe on Ian’s face and Mickey doesn’t know why, but he’s really fucking glad his kid is so damn cute, because for some reason he doesn’t think he could handle if Ian could never be around his kid.

“Um…yeah. Do you think you could call her and see?” Mickey asks because at this point he’s willing to do anything to get Yev to stop screaming and it’s not like he’s gonna take him to a doctor if he doesn’t have to.

“Uhh, yeah. I can do that,” Ian says as he gingerly pries Yev off his shirt and hands him back to Mickey.

As Ian calls Veronica, Mickey takes Yevgeny into his room and puts him in warmer clothes. Warmer clothes that Ian had brought over, because Ian didn’t want his kid to die of hypothermia. And what had Mickey done? He’d yelled at him for it. He decides he can hate himself more for that later.

When he walks back into the living room with a coat on himself and the baby, he sees that Ian is just standing there, staring.

“You got a new couch.”

“Yeah.” He really doesn’t know what to do with himself right now. Ian Gallagher is standing in his living room staring at his new couch waiting for him to get his baby dressed so they can take him to a nurse. When did he become so domestic? He isn’t even questioning why Ian’s here anymore, because without him he’d still be wondering what the hell is wrong with his kid.

Ian kind of shakes his head like he’s trying to clear his thoughts. “Ready?” He asks like they are going on a picnic or some shit.

Mickey just nods and walks out the front door, baby pressed to his chest and ex-boyfriend on his tail.

They don’t say anything to each other on the way down the block. Mickey walks twice as fast as normal just to keep up with Ian’s long strides and he tries his hardest not to focus on how nice his ass looks when he falls behind a few steps.

The thing is, Mickey knows that this is weird. Ian just showing up on his doorstep asking for Mandy when he knows Mandy works during the day, and then wanting to help Mickey take care of his kid. It should be awkward. They should be fighting or something, but the real thing is that this feels normal.

Walking with Ian down the street, he feels like he is where he’s supposed to be and that scares the shit out of him. He doesn’t want to start feeling all those things again when he knows that Gallagher doesn’t feel the same.

Ian is just being a good person. He doesn’t want the baby to be sick, only because he doesn’t want a baby to be sick. Mickey knows it has nothing to do with the fact that it is Mickey’s kid. He figures that if Ian passed some stranger on the street with a sick baby that he’d probably take them over to Veronica’s to have it checked out. Mickey tries his hardest to remind himself that Ian doesn’t care about him or his kid.

They make it to Veronica’s in a little less than 10 minutes. The snow starts to fall a little heavier by the time they make it to the front porch and Ian pounds on the door for about one second before he just lets himself in. He gestures for Mickey to follow.

“Vee,” he shouts into the empty living room.

Five seconds later, Mickey hears footsteps upstairs running around sounding frantic. Veronica appears at the top of the stairs with Kev in tow behind her.

“Ian, baby, you run out of medicine?” Veronica asks before she sees Mickey standing behind him.

Mickey notices the way that Ian’s shoulders tense up when she mentions his meds.

“No, Vee. Um,” Ian starts running his hand along the back of his neck obviously feeling uncomfortable about the mention of his illness in front of Mickey. “The baby’s sick.” He points in Mickey’s direction. “I think it might be an ear infection.”

Mickey notices the way that Ian deliberately isn’t making eye contact with him. His eyes follow Veronica as she makes her way over to Mickey and the baby. She makes a gesture like she wants to see him and Mickey releases Yev over to her.

She takes him over to the couch and sits down with him. She checks his temperature and then looks into his ears. He’s still crying, but now it’s like these silent screams with big teardrops falling down his face. Mickey doesn’t think he’s seen anything so heartbreaking.

Mickey hears crying from upstairs and then Kev is bounding back up the stairs to check on their kids while Veronica finishes her assessment.

“I think you’re right, baby. It looks like he might have a double ear infection. Has he had all his shots?”

And now Mickey stares at her dumbfounded and he starts to feel like a complete shithole. No, he’s pretty sure that Svetlana never took him to the clinic and he sure as hell hasn’t done anything. He shakes his head looking down.

“Well, I think I got some antibiotics that should hold him over from when the girls had an ear infection. But I would take him to the clinic as soon as possible.” She smiles down at Yev, before she hands him back to Mickey.

She makes her way over to her drug cabinet and Mickey doesn’t think he’s ever seen that many drugs. “The fuck?” he mutters under his breath, because damn where’d all that come from?

“She gets stuff from the nursing home mostly,” Ian responds, still not looking at Mickey.

“Here we go.” She takes out a bottle that looks like it has a dropper. “Just put one of these drops into each of his ears every hour, but make sure you take him to the clinic right away. Hopefully this storm clears up soon.” She hands Mickey the bottle after she puts the first dose in Yev’s ears.

When they’re ready to leave, Ian goes to hug Vee and whispers something in her ear, which she smiles somberly at and then nods. Mickey mutters thanks and then they open the door to a fucking winter wonderland.

“Shit,” Ian mutters under his breath at the same time Mickey mutters, “Fuck.”

“I wouldn’t walk that baby all the way home in this,” Veronica says unhelpfully behind them.

“Uh... you can like come over or whatever and wait for it to clear up,” Ian mutters and Mickey notes that he still hasn’t looked directly at him yet.

“Yeah, thanks,” Mickey says as he tucks Yev closer to his chest and they venture out into the snow.

It takes them way longer than it should to walk two houses down, but soon they are standing in the entryway of the Gallagher house and Mickey is kind of grateful, because Yev is already starting to shiver a little from the snow.

Mickey takes the baby’s jacket off and Ian says he can put him down in Liam’s crib if he wants. Mickey notes that the Gallagher house is quieter than it has ever been.

“Where is everyone?” Mickey asks as he takes off his own coat after setting Yev down. The medicine must already be working, because he has stopped crying and looks like he’s about to fall asleep.

“School. Work.” Ian paces in the kitchen like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. “You want coffee?” He asks already going to make a pot.

“Sure,” Mickey says standing by the crib in the living room, watching Ian. He doesn’t know what to do with himself either. Yev falls asleep moments after being set down and Mickey assumes all that crying is a lot of work, but the kid looks cold and that worries Mickey. “You got a blanket I could put on him?”

Ian makes this kind of noise that sounds like an affirmation and then he pulls out this old ratty blanket from the closet. “Sorry,” he says like Mickey cares what the damned blanket looks like.

“Thanks, man,” he says as he takes the blanket from Ian and their hands brush again. Ian looks away quickly and walks back into the kitchen, staring as the coffee drips down into the pot like if he takes his eyes away from it it’ll stop brewing, which will cause the world to end.

Mickey gently lays the blanket on top of Yev and tucks it around him as best as he can. He feels his forehead and notes that it is warmer than usual and kind of silently curses himself for not noticing earlier. When he turns around, Ian is staring at him.

“What?” he bites out harsher than he meant to.

Ian just shakes his head and hands him a cup of coffee. And then Ian is talking.

“I know you know,” he says. And really could he be any more vague? Mickey makes a face at him that Ian must interpret as confusion because he continues, “About me. I know Mandy told you about me being, you know, bipolar or whatever.” He’s looking down into his coffee cup, and Mickey realizes why he wasn’t making eye contact with him earlier at Vee’s.

Mickey doesn’t really know what to say. Like yeah he knows, but he doesn’t really care. Not like he doesn’t care about Ian, but like he doesn’t care if Ian’s bipolar or whatever because he’s still his Ian. But Mickey doesn’t know how to phrase that without sounding like a total girl.

Ian must take his silence for discomfort because he starts talking again. “It’s okay if you don’t wanna like be around me or whatever. Like I know I’m crazy and stuff and you probably don’t want to deal with it. Don’t worry.”

And now Mickey is confused, because a) Ian is talking like he wants to be around Mickey, and b) Mickey doesn’t think Ian’s crazy at all.

“You’re not crazy,” Mickey says before he can stop himself. Ian’s head snaps up and his eyes meet Mickey’s.

“But I kinda am,” he mumbles.

“We’re all fucking crazy, man,” Mickey responds because he doesn’t know how to tell Ian that he isn’t crazy, that he thinks he’s perfect.

“But like, I’m medicated and shit,” Ian says as he stares into his cup.

“Look, Gallagher, I don’t fucking care what you think. You’re saner than more than half the people in this shitty town, medicated or not. Just don’t call yourself that.”

Ian’s about to say something else, but Yev starts crying again. Mickey looks down at his kid and then back up at Ian. He doesn’t know what to do right now. He looks out the window and sees that the snow has lightened up.

“I should probably get him home,” Mickey says as he finishes his coffee. He sets the cup on the table and then gets Yev back into his coat.

“Okay.”

“Um thanks, man, for like everything, ya know?” Mickey says not looking up at Ian, because he can feel the blush all over his face.

“No problem. Um… don’t forget to, uh, call the clinic,” Ian says. When Mickey has his coat on and has picked up Yev, he looks at Ian and sees a blush on his face too as his hand fiddles with the back of his neck.

“Yeah,” Mickey says. “Um, bye.”

He turns around and leaves the Gallagher house, before he can do something stupid like tell Gallagher he loves him or something.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey, Mandy, Ian, and Debbie hang out.

The Saturday after Ian comes over and Vee tells him that Yev should go to the clinic, Mickey gets up like really fucking early.

He has an appointment for the kid as soon as the clinic opens this morning, because he still feels like such a shitty parent for not getting the kid there sooner. 

He eats a toaster waffle, drinks a cup of coffee, smokes a cigarette, changes and feeds Yevgeny and then they are out the door.

Mickey has only been to the clinic a handful of times, when he’d gotten mono in eighth grade and once when Terry had beaten the shit out of him and ended up breaking like three of his ribs and his leg.

He really doesn’t like doctors, but he forces himself to suck it up and walks in there.

They are only there for about an hour, considering he made an appointment and it’s only nine o’clock so the place is empty. They check his ear infection, which is getting better with the antibiotics that Vee gave him. They give him his own prescription and check to make sure that Yevgeny is healthy considering. He seems to be doing fine, the bitch nurse who keeps giving him wary looks tells him as she hands back his kid. And fuck her, because he already knew that thank you very much. 

Mickey gets on the El after Yev’s appointment. He notices all the stares from the women on the train who are probably questioning why a kid with "fuck u-up" tattooed on his hands has a baby. He knew he should have brought his gloves. He glares down one lady who has a particularly nasty look on her face and fuck them because they don't know anything about him. He just took his damn kid to the clinic, something his father never would have done, so they can think he's an unfit parent all they want but they don't know him.

//

When he gets home, Mandy is just waking up (she has Saturday mornings off) and grunts an acknowledgement in his direction. He smirks in her direction, because if there is one thing that they have in common it is that they aren't morning people. He gets Yev’s coat off of him and sets him down in his crib.

"Morning, sunshine," he greets Mandy as he follows her into the kitchen. She flips him off and takes a drink of her coffee before lighting a cigarette. He follows suit and lights one of his own.

"So how's the kid?" Mandy asks fondly with a hint of worry behind her groggy face.

"Doctor said he's fine. Bitch was looking at me like I was doing something wrong, but she didn't call CPS or anything so I guess we're good. She said his infection’s almost gone."

Mandy nods, smiling as she walks into the living room to look down at the baby in his crib. He's smiling at her when someone knocks on the door. He looks at the clock on the stove. It’s 10:15. Who would be here this early?

Mandy goes to answer the door. He hears her laugh and then Debbie Gallagher walks in the door. He ignores the feeling of disappointment that creeps up in him and he greets her with a nod as she walks over to Yev. That's when Mickey hears Mandy talking to someone at the door, and then there's that voice. The voice that sends something warm and pleasing down his body whenever he hears it no matter the tone. And then Ian Gallagher is walking into his house trailing behind his sister.

"Hey," he greets nonchalantly because Ian fucking Gallagher apparently is the king of nonchalance.

"Hi," Mickey says because he's a dumbass and Gallagher makes him stupid.

"I told Debs about Yev’s ear infection and she wanted to come check on him," Ian says as he stares at Mickey. Mickey has to look away. "I thought that we could take him to the clinic."

And Mickey’s eyes snap up to that because Ian just said we, and he wants to take his kid to the doctor. No, he wants them to go together.

"Too late. I just got back from the clinic. Kid’s good."

"Oh..." Ian looks uncomfortable now like he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

"We were planning on lying low today. Maybe watching a movie or whatever. You guys are welcome to stay." And bless his beautiful sister because the last thing he wants is for Gallagher to leave. Ian nods before Mickey knows what to do and Mandy makes another pot of coffee. Mickey lights another cigarette because he needs to do something with his hands, with his mouth.

"I got some good weed," Mandy says as she comes back into the living room. Both Ian and Mickey are nodding rapidly as Debbie laughs from her place on the floor next to Yev’s crib.

They pop in a movie and Mandy rolls a joint. Ian takes a drag and then passes it to Mickey and the warmth Mickey feels as he puts the joint dampened by Ian's mouth to his only partially has to do with the light he's holding and a lot to do with sitting this close to Ian.

About an hour later, Ian, Mandy and Mickey are pleasantly high as they watch Die Hard 2. Mickey has this sense of déjà vu to a time when a much younger version of the three of them sitting like this playing video games, none the wiser to what their lives would bring them.

Yev wakes up crying and Debbie, the saint that she is, takes care of him, because the rest of them aren't exactly in the shape to take care of him. She laughs when they all flail at the sound of him crying, looking from one to the other with paranoid, panicked expressions.

"I'll get him," she tells them after she has already started taking care of it because they are all still kind of not sure what's going on. They all relax back into the couch when they hear her with small smiles painted on their faces.

Mickey tries to ignore the warmth that he feels pouring into him from Ian sitting next to him, but he's pretty sure his high is making it even more obvious. He had to literally restrain himself from not leaning into Ian any more than he already was. He sees Mandy looking at him on the other side of Ian and he forces himself to not snap at her because that will only make it that much more obvious.

Debbie comes back in and starts playing with Yev.

"I'm fucking starving," Ian blurts out and Mickey jumps because he isn't anticipating the sound or what the sound does to his body.

Mandy nods and they all say "pizza bagels" at the same time and then they all start laughing like they are so fucking high-larious.

"I'll do it," Mickey grunts out through his laughter as he stands up off the couch and tries not to shiver from the loss of Ian's contact.

Mickey heads to the kitchen and damn this weed is really fucking strong because he shouldn't be this high after sharing two joints between three people. He ignores the voice in his head that says part of the high is from being around Ian because he doesn't wanna think like that. He turns the oven on and then gets the pizza bagels out of the freezer and puts them on the baking sheet. He tries really hard not to think about the last time he "cooked" for Ian, but when he starts carrying the cooked pastries back into the living room still on the baking sheet because he's not a fucking mom, he starts shaking a little.

He ignores it when he sits down next to Ian, but he puts himself as far from him as he can and Ian notices.

"What's wrong with you?" Ian asks as he takes a bite of one of the bagels.

"Nothing," Mickey bites back. "I'll be right back." And he practically runs to his room and slams the door. What does he think he's doing? They can't just go back to how it used to be.

He collapses into his bed and then he hears Mandy shout, "Keep it down in there" which confuses him because he isn't making any noise. And then Ian walks into his room. Like he fucking belongs there or something.

"What the fuck, Gallagher?" Mickey's come down from his high a lot faster than normal. He can't deal with any if this.

"The fuck is wrong with you?"

"You don't think any of this is fucking weird? Like you, me, and Mandy are just hanging out like nothing bad has ever happened?"

"Sometimes you just gotta let things go, Mick," and that's fucking rich coming from Gallagher.

"Oh yeah mister flight don't fight, when was the last time you ever let something go?"

"Whatever, I'm just saying that this is like nice or whatever and of course you have to ruin it!" Ian's voice is rising and Mickey knows what's coming next.

"The fuck does that mean Gallagher?"

"It means you can't ever just be fucking happy! You gotta find some reason to ruin everything! If you would've just talked to me, maybe things would be different."

"What fucking world do you live in? This isn't some stupid romantic comedy where shit happens, but it's all fine and fucking dandy by the end. My dad would've killed you! Why don't you understand that?"

"I fucking understand that! I'm not some stupid kid. Jesus, Mick!"

"Then I don't get the problem!"

"The problem is I fucking love you and I don't know how to just get over that!" And Mickey sees the moment that Ian realizes what he just said painted on Ian's face. His voice lowers, "I know I was never more than a warm mouth to you or what the fuck ever, but you meant everything to me Mickey. You still do. Even after everything that happened! Jesus, I even love that baby!"

That stops Mickey in his tracks because what?

"But you don't even know him..." And Mickey thinks he sounds really stupid but he's really confused right now.

"It doesn't even matter. It only took me holding him that one time. He's like a mini version of you." Ian doesn't really look like he knows exactly what he's saying but the sentiment isn't lost on Mickey.

"Ian..." Mickey doesn't know what to say.

But Mickey doesn't have a chance to say anything before someone is knocking in his door. "What?" he barks as he throws the door open.

Debbie Gallagher stands there looking a bit nervous.

"Uh sorry, but Fiona wants Ian and me home for something...." Her voice trails off at the end of her sentence when she looks between Mickey and Ian. Mickey knows that the tension in the room must be palpable.

"It's fine, Debs. Let's go." And Ian doesn't even look back at Mickey as he leaves. Mickey is left feeling like more shit has been uncovered than has been resolved, and he really doesn't know what to do now.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The "Ian Situation" comes to a head, and they all get bad news.

Mickey doesn’t know what to do about the Ian situation. He knows that he and Ian can’t just be together. Too much has happened for that, but he knows that he wants to be with Ian. And apparently Ian wants to be with him.

So on Monday morning, when someone is banging on his door after he has just put Yevgeny down for a nap, the last person he expects to be on the other side of the door is Ian fucking Gallagher. But Mickey should apparently just be expecting Gallagher to appear in every aspect of his life.

“Why aren’t you at school?” Mickey asks in way of greeting and Ian just steps around him into the house like he fucking belongs there or some shit and Mickey hears him scoff as he closes the door.

“Didn’t know you cared,” Ian says as he stands in the hallway next to the Milkovich living room. Mickey grunts in acknowledgement. “I dropped out,” Ian answers anyway.

“What?” Mickey’s only like 75 percent awake at this point, because Yev didn't sleep like at all last night and Mickey had been minutes from falling asleep when Gallagher decided to burst in.

“Took my G.E.D. My meds and everything were kinda fucking with my life and school was the last place I wanted to be, so Fi agreed that if I could pass my G.E.D. I didn’t have to go anymore.”

Mickey wonders why they are having such a normal conversation right now. Ian and him never really talked all that much before and maybe that was the problem.

“So…” Mickey starts because he doesn’t know what to say.

“I wanna be friends,” Ian blurts out.

“What?” Because did Mickey hear that right? Ian wants to be his friend? “Why?”

“Because for some fucking reason I miss you and I like hanging out with you and I figured we could probably hang out without fucking and maybe that would make everything easier for everyone and I don’t really know, but yeah…” Ian trails off and his hand is rubbing the back of his neck and he isn’t making eye contact with Mickey and Mickey doesn’t know if he can just be this guy’s friend, but…

“Okay…” he hears himself saying before he can really think about it. Ian’s eyes snap up to his and he sees that fucking sparkle in them that he hasn’t seen since before.

“Yeah?” He can hear the smile in Ian’s voice as he tries to hold back his enthusiasm and he wonders why he is letting this go so easy. Isn’t he still mad at Mickey for everything?

“Look if you wanna hang out then whatever, man. I’m not gonna fucking stop you,” Mickey says and flinches at the harshness of his own voice, but Ian doesn’t seem to notice. He just takes off his jacket and throws it onto one of the chairs in the living room and then he is walking over to Yev’s crib to check on him or something and Mickey feels awkward as hell.

He grabs the nearest pack of cigarettes and lights one. When Ian turns back around, he offers him one by holding out the pack.

Ian shakes his head. “I quit.” He must see the confusion on Mickey’s face, because he elaborates, “Nothing really combines well with the meds I’m taking so…” he trails off and Mickey just nods, because he can see that Ian is uncomfortable talking about his meds and the last thing either of them needs is to make the other one more uncomfortable.

Mickey sits down on the couch and stands up five seconds later when Ian sits next to him, because this is just weird. “I’m gonna make coffee. You want coffee?”

He can feel Ian’s smirk without even looking at him as he heads into the kitchen, because he needs to do something with his hands. He makes the coffee with one hand as he takes a drag of his cigarette with the other.

“Don’t you have fucking work or something, Gallagher?”

“Shit, yeah,” Ian looks at his watch. “Shit, Linda’s gonna fucking kill me. I should go. I’ll see you later, yeah?”

And he looks so hopeful that Mickey thinks this is a bad idea. He shouldn’t drag this kid back down with him, but if there is one thing that Mickey has learned over that last few years it’s that when it comes to Ian Gallagher, Mickey doesn’t know what the right decision is.

“Yeah,” he says. Ian shrugs back into his blue and orange-lined coat that Mickey doesn’t understand how still fits him after all these years and then he realizes how fucking gay it is that he knows that Ian’s been wearing it for years. God, he shouldn’t be doing this, but Ian is already out the door and fuck him he’s so fucking tied to this kid.

///

Ian starts spending a lot more time at the Milkovich house after he tells Mickey he wants to be friends. Sometimes he comes for Mandy, sometimes he comes with Debbie, but more often than not he comes just to see Mickey. And the more time he spends just being Ian’s friend, the more he realizes that he can’t just be Ian’s friend.

Mickey wants to be with Ian. Spending time with him has just further emphasized that for him. The rational side of him, the side that knows he wants this, realizes that Terry is in jail and that nothing is going to happen to them. But the irrational side of him, maybe the more rational side of him because these days he doesn’t know which way is up, the side that knows that being with Ian is something he can never have in this neighborhood, knows that the last time he and Ian were really together not counting the time before the wedding was the last time he and Ian were ever really the same. And that side doesn't want to screw up whatever they have now.

The thing is he likes spending time with Ian. He likes when they are just eating food or drinking beer. He likes watching crappy television and he likes how Ian doesn't flinch anymore when Yev starts to cry. He really likes that Ian is the one who sometimes takes care of him. But this part that likes being Ian's friend is fighting with the part of him that wants to shove Ian against a wall and kiss him until neither of them can see straight. That part of him wants Ian to fuck him senseless into his mattress and wants to wake up with Ian curled around him in the morning. He ignores the voice in his head that says he can have both.

He knows that they can’t have that. He ignores Mandy telling him that he’s an idiot and he ignores the small smiles he sees Debbie sending their way whenever they are all hanging out together, like she can see what no one is saying. He ignores the situation like the plague and just goes on pretending that he and Ian can be friends.

Until, one night he can’t go on pretending anymore.

It’s late and Yevgeny is asleep in his crib, so he and Ian are watching a movie with the volume on really low because they don’t wanna wake the kid, but no fucking way is he gonna be alone with Ian in his room and try to watch a movie on his crappy TV.

He notices that he and Ian are sitting way closer on the couch than “just friends” would normally sit, but he ignores it, because if he’s being honest with himself it feels really good being this close to Ian.

Ian has been falling asleep for like half an hour, but he has managed to keep waking himself up until now. He doesn’t really notice that Ian is asleep until he feels a weight drop unceremoniously onto his shoulder and he immediately tenses. He doesn’t know what to do. He thinks of all the bad things that could happen with him sitting on a couch with a boy asleep on his shoulder. Terry could walk in, but Mickey forces himself to rationalize that Terry is in jail so that’s not gonna happen. His brothers could appear from fuck knows where and beat him senseless for acting like such a fag, but Mickey doesn’t think that will happen, plus Mandy’s asleep in her room and he knows that she would most likely come to his defense.

So he doesn’t really know what the problem is, except he knows there’s a problem. He feels Ian’s warm breath on his neck and it is rousing something in him that hasn’t been awake in months. He feels himself start to stir, and he has to stop this now. He can’t have Ian wake up to him being half hard from just this mere contact. He doesn’t want to ruin whatever they have.

Yev makes a sound in his sleep and it startles Mickey so much that he jumps causing Ian’s head to bounce on his shoulder effectively waking Ian up. Ian blinks blearily and is still kind of draped on Mickey.

“Get the fuck off me, man,” Mickey says trying to push Ian away like he means it.

Ian huffs angrily, but complies with Mickey’s request.

“The fuck are you mad about?”

“Nothing,” Ian says as he folds his arms across his chest, because Ian Gallagher is an actual thirteen-year-old girl.

“Gallagher,” Mickey tests.

“I just don’t get what the fuck is wrong with you? Like now we can’t even touch without you having some kind of mental breakdown?”

Mickey flinches at Ian’s words as he stands up and Ian must notice because his face softens and he looks like he’s about to apologize.

“We’re not fucking together, Gallagher. You aren’t supposed to just like fall asleep on me,” Mickey bites out.

“Jesus, Mick. It isn’t like I was fucking groping you or something. Friends fall asleep.” Ian jumps up from the couch. 

“Well, maybe I don’t wanna be your fucking friend,” Mickey says before he can think about how that sounded.

Mickey sees Ian’s face fall to the floor, his puppy dog eyes coming out to play, and he wants to take back what he said, because he didn’t even mean it like that.

“That’s not… I didn’t mean… Fuck…” he says because communication is not his strong point, but Ian deserves to know how he feels, even if he doesn’t want to share. Ian deserves the moon and the stars and every sappy gay thing that Mickey can’t give him, but he can give him this.

“Mick, it’s fine. Whatever. I’ll just go.” And Ian turns away from him and Mickey wants to scream at him that he doesn’t want him to go. He just wants him to stay with him for like ever.

“I don’t wanna just be your friend, Gallagher,” Mickey speaks in a timid voice, but Ian knows him so fucking well that he hears the difference, turns around, and looks Mickey directly in the eye. “I can’t.”

“What?” Ian asks when he is standing directly in front of Mickey and Mickey can hear the confidence waver in his voice, and Mickey just thinks fuck it and grabs the back of Ian’s neck to pull him down.

The instant their lips meet Mickey feels like he is on cloud fucking nine or some shit and that this is the place he belongs. He instantly remembers what it feels like to feel safe, his world narrowing in on Ian. Ian’s lips on his, Ian’s hands, one on his neck and one on his waist pulling him in tighter, Ian everywhere. Just fucking Ian Gallagher.

Mickey winds his fingers into the hair at the nape of Ian’s neck and pulls him closer if possible. They pull away for air, but Ian’s hands never leaves Mickey’s hips and he is going to fucking explode from the combination of Ian’s hands and Ian’s hard cock pressing against his own. Ian pulls his hips into his own and they both moan in pure ecstasy. Mickey starts trailing hot, open-mouthed kisses down Ian’s neck, licking anywhere he can find skin.

He sucks on Ian’s collarbone as he starts on the buttons on the front of Ian’s plaid shirt. He needs to get it off of him right fucking now, because if he doesn’t touch as much of Ian as possible he won’t believe that he isn’t dreaming.

Subconsciously, he realizes they are in the living room and that this is not the place to do this for many reasons. He spins them around and then he uses Ian’s open shirt to pull him along. Ian’s eyebrow quirks a little and he is wearing this kind of amused expression, but Mickey pulls him in closer and their dicks rub together again seconds before their mouths meet and Ian’s eyes darken dramatically as he lets out a groan.

He pulls Ian the rest of the way through his bedroom door and then Ian spins them around, effectively shutting the door and slamming Mickey against it in one effortless motion. He stares into Mickey’s eyes with an almost challenging look, and Mickey just stares right back. He tries to say “I’m not going anywhere” with that look and Ian must get that because he closes back in and recaptures Mickey’s bottom lip between his teeth and nips gently before sucking it into his mouth. Mickey pushes Ian’s shirt the rest of the way off of him and pulls him into him so he can rake his hands down Ian’s toned back.

Ian pulls away just enough to pull Mickey’s sweater over his head, undershirt and all, and then he is kissing down Mickey’s chest until he is on his knees in front of Mickey. Mickey’s breath hitches in his throat, because he kind of forgot how damn beautiful Ian Gallagher looks on his knees, with swollen lips and crazed eyes. Their eyes meet and Ian is undoing his belt. His jeans fall to the floor. Ian pulls him out of his boxers and then Ian’s lips are closing around the head of his cock and holy shit. He misses this.

Ian sucks lightly and then pulls away and Mickey whines. He fucking whines, because he needs more. But Ian doesn’t disappoint, because seconds later he is licking a long strip up the underside of his cock and taking it as fully into his mouth as he can. He uses the hand not holding Mickey’s hip to make up for what his mouth can’t reach and this is all just too much for Mickey. He threads his fingers through Ian’s hair and pulls him gently closer. Ian uses his hand to fondle Mickey’s balls a little and Mickey is going to lose it any second. He tries to warn Ian, but when he looks down Ian is staring right up at him and that does it. Mickey comes with a loud, guttural moan as his head hits the door behind him with a loud thud and Ian swallows every last drop.

Ian stands up and wipes at the corner of his mouth and Mickey pulls him back to him crashing their lips together and tasting himself on Ian’s tongue. He winds his hand between them and palms Ian through the jeans that he is still wearing for some God damned reason. Ian moans against his lips. He undoes Ian’s belt, unzips and unbuttons his jeans and then pushes them down his hips like they are offending him. And they are because damn Mickey’s almost gone a fucking year without seeing that damned firecrotch and stupid jeans aren’t going to keep him from it now. He pulls away from Ian’s mouth and mimics Ian as he kisses down his chest and abs and sucks on his hipbone for good measure, before he is pulling Ian’s boxers down and taking Ian into his mouth.

He gets a few moans out of Ian, before he is being pushed away. He looks up at Ian confused.

“Wanna be in you,” Ian grunts as he pulls Mickey up off the floor and practically throws him onto the bed.

Ian straddles him and he can already feel himself starting to get hard again. Ian rubs their crotches together a few times causing them both to groan, before he sits up. Mickey points to the nightstand, because he knows what Ian wants.

Ian pulls out his bottle of lube and like five condoms and Mickey whimpers at the sight. Ian smirks down at him and he thinks the sight could make him come undone again. Ian’s look changes like he is expecting something from Mickey.

“You gonna turn over or…?”

Mickey hooks his legs around Ian’s back and pulls him down hard. “Wanna see you,” he grunts out before he crashes his lips back with Ian’s. He hears Ian undo the bottle, but he isn’t prepared for what it feels like to have Ian’s slicked up fingers tracing his hole after all this time.

Ian slowly pushes one finger in until it can’t go in any further and Mickey’s fully hard again in seconds.

“Jesus Christ,” Ian moans as he buries his face in Mickey’s neck and yeah, Mickey kind of feels the same way. Ian moves his finger around a bit before he pushes a second in. Three fingers later and Mickey is writhing under Ian.

“Get in me now,” he grunts in Ian’s ear, before he captures the lobe in his mouth and sucks hard. Ian pulls away and Mickey is about to protest when he hears the rip of a condom wrapper and he sees Ian slicking himself up and then with Mickey’s ankles twisted behind his back, Ian pushes in slowly.

They both almost come on the spot.

“Fuck,” they both moan when Ian is fully inside Mickey. He gives Mickey time to adjust, but Mickey pushes against his back because he really needs him to move.

Ian pulls out and then pushes back in slowly at first, but then he is slamming Mickey into the mattress how they both like it and they come apart together with each other’s names on their lips as Ian collapses on top of Mickey and Mickey’s legs fall to the side.

Ian stays on top of him for longer than usual, but then he rolls off of Mickey to dispose of the condom. Mickey makes an unsatisfied sound at the loss of contact .

“Shut up,” he mumbles as Ian climbs back into his bed with a smirk on his face. He pulls the comforter over both of them, as Mickey buries himself in Ian’s side. Mickey drifts to sleep to the sound of Ian’s steady heartbeat and Ian’s warm hand running up and down his back.

///

Mickey wakes up once in the middle of the night to a heavy weight draped over his waist. He jolts a little, not used to having someone else in bed or at least not having them touching him, and blinks down at the arm pulling him close. He recognizes the almost blonde hairs on the impossibly long arm and relaxes immediately.

And if he pushes back further into Ian, folding his own arm over Ian’s, no one has to know.

///

The second time he wakes up, sunlight is pouring in through the window, and he is alone. He freaks out momentarily before he sees Ian’s shirt on the floor and reassures himself that he wouldn’t leave without his fucking shirt.

He looks over at his nightstand to the alarm clock, which informs him that it’s eight o’clock in the morning.

He drags himself out of bed, pulling on a pair of boxers that he finds on the floor and his sweater from last night.

The sight that greets him when he enters the main part of the Milkovich house makes him stop in his tracks. Ian is sitting at the table with Mandy. On the table is a pile of pancakes that he can smell from here, and on Ian’s lap is Yevgeny. Ian bounces him as the kid leans back into Ian’s chest. Ian laughs at something that Mandy says and then he sees Mickey standing there and his smile widens.

“Hey,” he says and blushes a little when he sees the way Mickey stares at him holding his kid.

“You made pancakes?” Mickey asks as he comes out of his stupor.

“It was my idea. I figured you’d both be hungry after your fuck marathon last night,” Mandy says not missing a beat and Mickey chokes on the coffee he just poured himself.

“Sorry,” he mumbles as a blush spreads over his entire body. “He eat yet?” Mickey gestures towards the kid.

“Yeah, I fed him,” Ian says looking sheepish. “I had to take my meds at six anyway and he woke up right after so I figured why not.”

Mickey openly gapes at Ian. How can this boy be so perfect?

“Thanks,” Mickey doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know how Ian can just be so okay with holding Mickey’s son, but Ian looks like he belongs here. Mandy, Ian, Yevgeny, and Mickey make quite the puzzle piece of a family, he thinks to himself as he takes a bite of the pancakes that Ian made.

They are all laughing and smiling and fucking happy when the main line of the Milkovich house rings. They all ignore it, because it’s mostly used for drug runs or distant family that they don’t care about. It goes to the machine and they all flinch at the recording of Terry’s voice.

Beeeeep.

“Hello, Amanda and Michael Milkovich. This is Susan over at the Chicago State Penitentiary. I just wanted to inform you that Terry Milkovich will be released from our facility next Thursday. Please have someone here to check him out on that day. Thank you.”

Mickey feels his blood run cold. Ian freezes. Mandy’s face goes white. Yevgeny starts to cry, because Ian has stopped paying attention to him.

None of them know what to do.

“Fuck,” Mandy says under her breath.

Mickey wants to fucking cry. He doesn’t know what to do. Of course as soon as things were almost good for him, the world has to fuck him over once again.

“I…” Ian starts to say, but closes his mouth because he obviously doesn’t know what to do either. “I should go…”

Mickey is frozen in his seat. He can’t look at Ian. He can’t move. His body has literally locked up.

“Ian, you don’t have to…” Mandy starts, but even she doesn’t know what to do. But Ian’s already standing up and handing Yev off to Mandy.

“Fiona’s probably wondering where I am anyway,” Ian says and Mickey can feel his gaze not leaving Mickey. He makes a move like he is going to touch Mickey and Mickey flinches. Ian’s face falls and he leaves the room.

A few minutes later, Ian comes back out fully dressed and Mickey can feel him looking in their direction, but he can’t move. He just can’t.

“Um, bye. I guess,” Ian says and then Mickey hears the door close.

“Mick,” Mandy starts.

“Don’t,” Mickey says as he bolts into his bedroom and slams the door. He throws himself onto the bed where he can still smell Ian’s scent. He grabs the bottle of Jack sitting on his nightstand and chugs until he can blame the watering of his eyes on the alcohol and not his fucked up life.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey and Mandy get another call, and some things get resolved.

Five days after Mickey’s world fell apart for the millionth time, he lies in bed. His bottle of Jack is clutched tightly in his hand like a lifeline. He can’t even remember how many bottles he’s gone through in the last few days.

He hears Yevgeny cry in the living room, but he just puts a pillow over his head hoping to simultaneously drown out the crying and suffocate himself.

He hasn’t seen or talked to Ian since that morning. He thinks to himself that he’ll probably never see him again and wonders why he didn’t try to take out Terry years ago.

Mandy hasn’t been going to work, because she doesn’t think that Mickey can take care of Yev at the moment and good because he doesn’t even really care right now. Not when he’s going to have to face his father again. Not when he’s going to have to explain where his wife is. Not when the kid is going to have to deal with Terry Milkovich anyway, probably be better if he died now.

He hears a knock on his door and he grunts out a noise that mostly just means fuck off, but Mandy cracks the door open anyway.

“Mick?” And he hates the way her voice sounds, like she’s afraid he’s going to break or explode. “Debbie’s gonna watch Yev for a bit. I have to go do something.”

She means she has to go see Ian. Make sure Ian is okay, because Mandy gets that luxury, but Mickey doesn’t. He doesn’t respond to her, but he hears her close the door and then he hears Mandy and Debbie whispering on the other side of his door.

He blacks out after that.

///

He wakes up later with the worst hangover and the need to smoke. But because his life sucks, there are no cigarettes in his room for some fucked up reason.

He drags himself out of his room and into the living room. Debbie doesn’t even flinch when she sees him and he knows he looks and smells about as awful as he feels, so he gives her credit for that.

“Hi, Mickey,” she says cheerfully as she goes back to playing with the kid.

He grunts at her.

He finds a pack of cigarettes on the kitchen table and avoids the chair that Ian had been sitting in like the plague. He pours himself a cup of coffee and puts it in the microwave. When the microwave beeps, he takes it out and burns his tongue on the reheated coffee. He finds some aspirin in one of the cupboards and downs four for good measure to get rid of this fucking hangover—even if he just plans on getting drunk again later.

That’s when the damned phone rings again, and Mickey doesn’t remember that phone ever ringing this much.

Beeeeeeeep.

“Hello. This is Susan from the Chicago State Penitentiary calling again. Unfortunately, I have some bad news regarding Terry Milkovich. His body was found this morning in the showers of our facility. Apparently, someone stabbed him late last night and he bled out. We are terribly sorry. Please call us back so we can help you sort out what to do from here.”

Mickey drops his mug. It shatters into a million pieces, scalding hot coffee splashing up onto his legs, but he doesn’t notice.

Terry is dead.

“Oh my god,” Debbie whispers from the living room and he kind of forgot she was there.

“Fuck,” he mutters, because he doesn’t know what to do now, but he feels freer than he’s ever felt before. He almost starts laughing, but his head is pounding and he can’t deal with anything right now.

“You okay?” Debbie asks him. He nods because he doesn’t think he’s ever been more okay in his life. The monster of the nightmare that was his life is finally gone. He will never have to look over his shoulder again wondering when Terry Milkovich is going to beat the shit out of him next.

“I gotta tell Mandy,” he says and he gets to the front door before he remembers what he looks like. “I’m gonna shower first,” he says and then he turns around and heads to the bathroom. He feels like he’s going a million miles an hour. He doesn’t really know what he’s doing, but he just keeps going.

The warm water calms his shaking muscles. The thought of being free from Terry Milkovich making it literally impossible for his body to hold in his feelings. He thinks in some distant part of his brain that normal children would be sad right now, but fuck that. He had never been a normal child and Terry Milkovich was a nightmare not a father.

And if he dresses in his nicest pair of jeans and a shirt that’s actually clean, fuck you, because Mickey Milkovich has a plan and it only partially has to do with telling his sister that their father is dead.

“Good luck,” Debbie calls after him, because she’s a perceptive little shit and then he is out the door and walking to the Gallagher house.

///

Mickey stands outside the Gallagher house for the second time in the last few months and thinks about how utterly wrecked his life is. He’s barely nineteen years old and he feels like he’s had enough pain and hurt and destruction to last him a good couple lifetimes if not more.

He thinks about how the silver lining in his life, since that day he’d come barreling into Mickey’s room wielding that fucking crowbar, has been Ian Gallagher.

Before Ian, Mickey never dreamed of having a life he could almost tolerate. He’d assumed he’d be in the closet forever, pretending like he liked slut girl after slut girl. He’d assumed he’d knock at least one of them up and live the rest of his days like his piece of shit father.

But then Ian Gallagher had come into his life and he’d started changing Mickey’s thoughts. Slowly at first, because Mickey was so determined to not be happy, because he never thought he’d deserve it. He’d been told since birth that being gay was some horrible sin and that all gays deserved to die, but then Ian Gallagher had waltzed into his life and shown him that it was okay to be who he was.

Sure it may have taken years, two trips to Juvie, the worst day of his life, a shit show of a wedding, a no good whore of a wife, an abandonment, and a baby, but he’s finally gotten to that point where he is pretty damn sure of what he wants. And what he wants is somewhere in the house that now stands in front of him.

He steps up to the door and raps on it a little too hard. He hears someone on the other side of the door and all the Gallaghers are yelling and it actually makes him smile a little.

He bites on his lip as Fiona Gallagher pulls open the door.

“Mickey?” She sounds confused and why shouldn’t she be? He notices her look at him and remembers that he’s dressed nicer than he usually is and he feels really fucking gay for that but screw that.

“Um…” He wants to ask for Ian. He wants to see Ian. He wants to tell Ian that his father is dead and they have no reason to hide anymore and then he wants to take Ian into his arms and kiss him until neither of them can see straight or think straight or worry about anything else. Instead, he asks for Mandy.

“Um yeah, she’s upstairs. Come in,” she says and ushers him in a little unsure, and Mickey kind of nods at her in his best gesture of gratitude. “MANDY!” Fiona yells up the stairs and he thinks that he could like Fiona if he had the chance to—that he and Fiona are probably more alike than either of them realizes.

He hears feet bounding around upstairs and then Mandy shouts, “The fuck do you want?” And Fiona and Mickey both roll their eyes.

“MICKEY’S HERE,” Fiona shouts back up the stairs before Mandy appears at the top of them. Seconds later, a gangly ginger boy appears behind her and Mickey exhales some breath he didn’t know he was holding at the sight of him. God, Mickey is so wrecked. He thinks that Ian Gallagher might just be the person that can pick up the pieces of his wrecked as fuck life if just seeing him can lift all the weight from his shoulders.

“What are you doing here?” Mandy asks, voice softer than usual. He sees that she is surprised that he is out of bed, let alone at the Gallagher house.

Mickey looks around a little. All Gallaghers present are staring at him confused, but he figures that he’s here already so what the hell. “Prison called again.”

He sees Mandy flinch, and Ian goes rigid, the blood starting to drain from his face.

“And?” Mandy asks.

“Apparently someone finally got sick of Terry being a fucking prick. He got shanked last night. They found him this morning. It was too late or something.” And Mickey isn’t even looking at Mandy right now. His eyes are locked with Ian’s. He sees Ian’s mouth drop open a little and he hears Mandy make some kind of a noise, but he can’t take his eyes off the beautiful redheaded man standing above him.

“Shit,” Mandy whispers and he knows how she feels. He still doesn’t know exactly how he feels, but he doesn’t feel bad or sad or anything like that. “You serious?”

He peels his eyes away from Ian. “Yeah,” he says, looking at his baby sister now. And then she is bounding down the stairs and he barely has time to open his arms before she is throwing herself into them.

“Oh my God,” she mutters into his ear as they hug tightly in front of the house full of Gallaghers, half of whom are looking at them like they are crazy and one of them who is looking at them with such a look of fondness, Mickey has to look away.

He hears Fiona make this noise in the back of her throat and he and Mandy kind of break apart, but they keep one arm around each other, because they need each other right now. No one else understands.

“I, uh, wanna say sorry, but I’m not really sorry,” Fiona says confidently and that kind of makes Mickey smile, just slightly.

“Don’t be,” he says glancing back up at Ian, who is still at the top of the stairs. “Uh, we should probably go. We got a lot of stuff to sort out.” Mandy nods and then they are walking out the door.

“He’s really dead?” Is the first thing that Mandy says once they get outside.

“That’s what the lady on the answering machine said.”

“Fucking finally,” Mandy mumbles and Mickey throws his arm around her shoulders and pulls her into his side as they walk back to their house. “We should probably try to find Colin, Iggy and them. Let them know.”

“Yeah, we can do that tomorrow. It’s already been a long day, and we gotta call the prison back and sort out what to do with him,” Mickey says as they walk up the stairs to their house.

“Why’d you come over there?” Mandy asks as they stand outside of their front door.

“To let you know…”

“But you could’ve waited. Or called. And seriously what are you wearing?”

“Fuck you,” Mickey says as he stomps into the house and Mandy follows him laughing her ass off.

Debbie holds Yevgeny on her lap on the couch as they watch some cartoon shit that someone who was high as a fucking kite had to have made, all bright colors and misshapen objects.

“Hey guys,” she greets them, bouncing Yev on her lap.

“Hey, would you mind hanging out for a bit longer? We have some more shit we gotta sort out,” Mandy asks as Mickey heads to the kitchen, takes a beer from the fridge and lights a cigarette.

“No problem,” she says and settles back into the couch with the baby.

Mickey downs most of his beer in one chug, because there are just too many things to fucking think about right now and he doesn’t think he can do it without at least a buzz. So what if it’s the fucking morning?

He doesn’t know why he didn’t just go for it with Ian while he was there, but at the same time he does know. He isn’t the type of guy that can just throw himself into things. Even if his father is dead and he could pretty much take anyone else that wanted to mess with him, he doesn’t feel like he can do the whole dating thing.

Like yeah, he wants to be with Ian, but he doesn’t know if he wants to be out with Ian. The Gallaghers know about Ian (and Mickey is pretty sure they know about him at this point) and Mandy knows and really, he thinks those are the only people that actually fucking matter. Maybe one day he and Ian can do stuff like hold hands in public or what the fuck ever, but Mickey isn’t ready for that right now.

Mandy gives Mickey this look that just screams, “Why are you a fucking idiot?” and Mickey smokes like five cigarettes in a row before he says anything to her.

“We should probably call the coroner’s office or whatever and figure out what the fuck we’re gonna do with dad,” Mickey says as he starts pacing in the kitchen because he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Mickey. I’ll deal with all this shit. I don’t really even care. You need to sort out your fucking relationship,” Mandy snaps at him and he stops in his tracks.

“What?”

“You went over to the Gallaghers’ so that Ian would know that Terry’s dead. You obviously were showing him that it’s okay for you two to be together or whatever now. So like go be together or whatever,” she says as she takes a cigarette and lights it up.

Mickey is just staring at her like she’s crazy.

“Douchebag, go find your boyfriend,” Mandy says and turns around, grabs the phone, and heads to her room leaving Mickey staring after her.

When he turns around, Debbie Gallagher has this look on her face that says Mandy is right and he doesn’t even care that Mandy basically just outed him to Debbie (because she seriously already knew somehow—he swears), because at that moment he is making a beeline for the front door.

He doesn’t make it very far out the front door, because coming up the Milkovich’s street is a bobbing head of red hair.

Mickey closes the door behind him and then Ian is standing at the bottom of the stairs that lead up to the house.

“Hey,” Mickey says because he doesn’t know what else to say.

“So your dad,” Ian says as he takes the first step.

“Yeah,” Mickey says as he takes a step closer to the stairs.

“It’s like bad to be happy that someone is dead right?” Ian asks as a smirk pulls at one corner of his mouth and he takes the next step.

A laugh escapes Mickey’s mouth as he takes a step down towards Ian. “I think this might be a special, fucked up case.”

And then Ian is only one step below Mickey and Mickey’s eyes are fixed on Ian’s lips. “So,” Ian draws out and Mickey bites nervously at his lip.

“Look, Gallagher. I can’t be out. Not like to the whole fucking neighborhood or whatever, but everyone that matters knows and hopefully that’s enough. I got a kid and I’m about as fucked up as anyone could possibly be, but I don’t know how to not be with you. And if you wanna drag yourself back down to the depths of the fucked up life that is Mickey Milkovich, I’m done trying to stop you.” Mickey grimaces at his own word choice, because he’s the least articulate fuck around.

But Ian’s face breaks out into the brightest grin he’s ever seen, and then Ian’s hands are framing his face, and Ian’s lips are crashing into his, and he feels like the pieces of his wrecked life are slowly being put back together. It feels like before, but it’s so much better.

Ian pulls away and practically pushes Mickey back through the Milkovich door, because he knows what Mickey said and making out on the front porch is probably the last thing that two boys in the South Side of Chicago should be doing if they don’t want to be outed.

Ian closes the door and they just stand there staring at each other, until Mickey can’t take it anymore and he reaches up to pull Ian down by the neck. 

“Fucking finally,” Ian mumbles the second before Mickey crashes their lips together.


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mickey asks Ian an important question.

Five months after receiving the news that Terry had died, Mickey Milkovich sits on his couch beside his boyfriend, Ian Gallagher, who holds his now nine month old son. About a week after Terry had died, Mandy and him had kind of a funeral where they just tossed his ashes to the wind and never looked back. Mickey has barely even thought about him since. He has more interesting things to occupy his mind now, like an actual job, his son, and the man he loves. 

Mickey looks over at the man sitting next to him and can’t help but smile. Yevgeny is falling asleep in Ian’s arms and Ian just has the biggest smile on his face. He can’t help it when he’s around the kid, Mickey’s noticed. He was right all those months ago when he said he loved him, and Mickey knows he just keeps falling more in love with the baby everyday.

“I think he’s out,” Ian whispers as Yev’s head lolls to the side and Ian props him against his shoulder as he stands up to put him down in his crib. He tucks his new blanket around him and makes sure that the ratty old elephant is within arm’s reach, and then he turns around and walks back to Mickey.

Mickey watches as Ian walks back towards him and he can’t help but smile at the gorgeous man in front of him. He reaches out his arms to pull Ian onto him and Ian straddles his lap and leans down and kisses him. Hard.

Mickey’s arms snake up Ian’s back as Ian’s hands fist in Mickey’s hair. They pull each other as close to themselves as possible. Mickey moans as Ian’s tongue traces his bottom lip and he opens his mouth to accept all of Ian. Ian’s tongue is everywhere and Mickey’s arms drag up Ian’s chest, until his hands are fisting at Ian’s hair and pulling him that much closer. Ian pulls away from his mouth and kisses across his jaw until he is sucking on the sensitive skin behind Mickey’s ear, causing Mickey’s hips to buck up. Both men let out groans of pleasure, but stop moving when Yev makes a small noise in his sleep.

Ian rests his forehead against Mickey’s as he chuckles softly. They pause for a minute listening to the baby in his crib. Once his breathing evens out, Ian leans in to the side of Mickey’s face and whispers, “Maybe we should take this somewhere else.” And then he is climbing off of Mickey and dragging him into Mickey’s room.

They close the door quietly. Ian sits on the edge of Mickey’s bed and Mickey follows, this time straddling the younger man. Ian allows himself to be pushed down onto the bed and then Mickey attacks his lips again. They scoot a little until they are in the middle of the bed, and then Mickey starts kissing down Ian’s neck, taking his time to suck on Ian’s pulse point and drawing these little sounds out of Ian that go straight to his cock.

He unbuttons Ian’s shirt as he kisses down the ginger’s chest. “God. You. Are. So. Fucking. Hot.” He emphasizes each word with a kiss down Ian’s chest until the shirt is unbuttoned and Mickey pushes it off. Ian sits up a little to wiggle out of the shirt and then he surges up and spins them around, so that Mickey is pinned under Ian. He quirks his eyebrow at the younger man.

Ian doesn’t say anything, just pulls Mickey up enough to strip him of his tee-shirt and then starts kissing all over his chest. He sucks each of Mickey’s nipples into his mouth until they are peaked and he is squirming under Ian. “Fucking perfect,” Ian grunts out in a defensive voice that Mickey wouldn’t dare argue with. Mickey swallows hard though, because no one has ever treated him like he was decent, let alone perfect. But he knows that Ian means it, and not just about how he looks, but about Mickey himself.

Mickey pulls Ian’s face back to his and crashes their lips together and he pushes his hips into Ian’s and they both groan at the contact, at the feel of each other, hard and ready. Mickey will never tire of that feeling.

Ian sits back on his knees and drags his hands slowly down Mickey’s stomach until he is teasing his belt buckle. He smirks mischievously as he drags his hand down further and cups Mickey through his jeans. Mickey moans, loud.

Mickey’s hands reach up to Ian’s belt buckle and he undoes it and then unsnaps the button and drags the zipper down, because he needs Ian like right the fuck now. He goes to undo his own pants, but Ian’s hands stop him and then Ian is doing it for him. Mickey watches Ian’s face as he drags Mickey’s jeans and boxers down, and he will never tire of the look of pure adoration that Ian has whenever he looks at Mickey. Mickey sits up a little and pulls on Ian’s pants. Ian stands up, and Mickey misses the warmth, but he strips out of his remaining clothes and grabs the bottle of lube and the condoms and throws them at Mickey before he finishes ridding Mickey of his pants.

Ian climbs back on top of him and he drags their hips together and Mickey is already seeing stars. Ian takes the bottle of lube and slicks up two of his fingers, hiking Mickey’s legs up around his waist as he presses his fingers into Mickey and Jesus, Mickey will never get used to the feeling of Ian Gallagher inside of him.

Ian moves his fingers in and out, spreading Mickey as much as possible before he pulls out and slicks up a third finger to push all three back in at once. Mickey bites on his lip hard enough to draw blood.

“I’m good, Gallagher. Get in me, now.”

Ian just rolls his eyes, but doesn’t disappoint. He goes to open the condom, but Mickey stops him. They’ve been exclusive for five months now. They’re both clean. Mickey at least hasn’t been with anyone but Ian since his second stint in Juvie, if he didn’t count Svetlana and he really didn’t. And Mickey really needs to feel all of Ian.

“Don’t. If you don’t want to.”

Ian swallows hard and Mickey watches his Adam’s apple bob in his throat and then he nods very slowly. He slicks himself up and then he is pressing into Mickey.

“Fuck….” Ian groans when he is fully inside Mickey. “I need a minute.”

Mickey laughs at that, because he understands. He brings his hand up to cup Ian’s cheek and Ian looks at him with eyes full of love and hope and all the good things in the world. Mickey pushes up to kiss Ian, and then Ian pulls out and pushes back in slowly. He works up to a rhythm. In, out. In, out. Mickey can feel his orgasm building, and when Ian’s thrusts grow erratic, he knows that Ian’s almost there too.

Ian captures Mickey’s lips with his own, grabs Mickey’s cock and pumps it slowly, and snaps his hips two more times before they breach the precipice together and come apart with each other’s names escaping their mouths in straggled grasps of air.

They lie there for a few minutes, still completely wrapped up in each other, and then Ian pulls out and rolls over to the side. Mickey can feel Ian’s come seeping out of him. He doesn’t dislike it, but it’s still kind of gross.

“Ugh, gotta shower,” Mickey says as he pushes himself up onto his forearms. “Coming with me?” He glances down at Ian, who is all fucked out and blissful and his heart swells.

He pulls Ian up and out of the bed and they head to the bathroom.

///

After their shower, they crash back into the bed without bothering to get dressed. The sheets kind of have dried come all over them, but they can deal with that tomorrow.

Mickey rolls over onto his side and Ian follows him, throwing his arm around Mickey’s waist and pulling him in as close as he can. Mickey hums contently in the back of his throat.

He then thinks of something, something that he’s been meaning to bring up for the last week or so, but has kept forgetting.

“Gallagher?”

“Mmmm,” Ian moans and Mickey can feel it vibrate through his whole body.

“Uh, I was thinking…”

“About?”

“Well, uh, you know how you’re here watching Yev when I’m at work in the afternoons, and then you stay most nights, and you wake up here so you’re here most mornings too, and like most of your shit is here.” He takes a breath, because he is rushing and he knows he needs to calm down. “I was thinking…uh…maybe you could…like moveinwithme?” Mickey feels Ian kind of start at that and he wants to take it back. “I mean you don’t have to. Whatever. Nevermind, man.”

“Mickey,” Ian says softly and Mickey turns around in his arms. The look on Ian’s face isn’t bad or offended or anything that Mickey is picturing, he looks like he’s going to fucking burst. “Of course, I’ll move in with you, idiot.” And he crashes their lips together again.

Mickey pulls away from Ian, resting his forehead against the other man’s as he searches his eyes for certainty. 

“Really?” Mickey still hasn’t learned that he can have good things.

Ian just nods and his smile widens as he kisses Mickey again, more slowly this time. “But we’re going to have to do something about all the fucking guns lying around everywhere, because Yev is gonna start walking soon and I don’t think that’ll be a very good combination. Also, we should clear out the extra room and set up a nursery for him or something.”

And Mickey just pulls Ian’s face back to his, and crashes their lips together, because Mickey Milkovich never dreamed he’d be moving in with his boyfriend and taking care of his son. He’d never dreamed of being this happy. Hell, a year ago he’d never thought he’d see Ian Gallagher again. But if Mickey knew one thing, it was that his crazy, fucked up life had a way of surprising him everyday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER...
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Come find me at mckeysgallagher.tumblr.com for a lot of Ian x Mickey feels most of the time!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all who are reading this! I would love any and all comments that you want to give! I will be posting this whole story today so hopefully you enjoy!!


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